


Betrayal

by Tibbins



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-20 22:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tibbins/pseuds/Tibbins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Homeless

**Author's Note:**

> Hey :D  
> So this is a Glee Puck/Kurt fic ^.^  
> There will be violence and swearing because I'm always mean to my favourite characters xD  
> Enjoy ^.^

Kurt winced in pain as his shoulder hit the locker once again. Karofsky sauntered past, barely sparing a glance to the small boy. Kurt sighed and looked down, rubbing his sore shoulder as he headed to class, rounding the corner he was greeted with no less than 7 grape slushies to the face, he spluttered for air, blinking back the purple ice drink he pressed his lips together, watching as the jocks laugh and high five, leaving him covered with slush.

After that terrible start to the day, the rest of his lessons were uneventful aside from a few gay jokes. Kurt made his way to the choir room for Glee club, hoping for a bit of expressive singing and maybe a solo.

Sadly, it wasn't meant to be. Once again the tragically dressed Rachel Berry proved that being a fashionista didn't make him a better singer. Kurt shuddered at her unfortunate choice of sweater and grudgingly enjoyed her talent at the same time.  _Just once_ he thought  _just once, I'd like the chance to shine_.

Kurt sighed as he opened the front door and dropped his bag in the hall. It had not been his day today. In fact, it hadn't been his week. Karofsky hadn't lost a chance to shove him into walls or trip him in the corridors or rally the jocks to give him slushy facials; which couldn't be good for his skin. He had even begun storing at least three outfits in his locker, just in case.

'Hey dad' he called as he passed Burt on the sofa, who was eating chips and watching a game on TV.

'Hi Kurt, how was school?' he asked, without taking his eyes off the screen

'Glad it's Friday' Kurt answered, pouring himself a glass of orange juice 'is Finn home yet?' diverting the conversation to Finn was usually a good choice; but this week wasn't a good one for normal tactics.

''Bout half an hour ago' Burt said, looking up at his son 'what's wrong?' Kurt shrugged and took a sip of his juice 'Kurt' he warned, sitting up, giving the boy his full attention 'tell me'

'It's just been a long week' Kurt replied evasively. He didn't feel like talking to his dad about it. His Ice Queen mask was slipping as it was and he didn't want to break down now. It was hard to keep up the front of not caring. Burt grunted, realising that Kurt wasn't ready to speak.

'Well, if you wanna talk …' Burt trailed off with a hand gesture. Kurt nodded and disappeared to the basement.

'Hi Finn' he greeted tiredly, flopping onto his bed, and then sitting up again to fix his hair.

'Hey, I heard you got slushied again today' Kurt nodded curtly 'Wow … that's the … twelfth time this week?'

'Fourteenth'

'Sucks to be you, man' said the quarterback pityingly

'Tell me about it' groaned Kurt 'that cherry flavour one on Wednesday completely ruined my favourite cashmere sweater!' Finn chuckled

'You and your sweaters' he said, then he turned serious 'I'm sorry I didn't stop them Kurt'

Kurt sighed

'You weren't there, you didn't know' he said, sort of irritated that he had to comfort his brother when  _he_ was the one getting bullied

'I did actually' Kurt blinked at him in shock

'What?' his voice was low, as if he truly didn't comprehend the words

'I overheard them talking about where you would be and they each had a slushy' Finn explained as he stared down at the floor guiltily. There was an awkward pause

'And you  _didn't_ try to stop them?' Kurt clarified; some of the bottled up hurt creeping into his voice, he forced his mask back on, but it was a hard effort. He was tired of having bruises on his arms that never really faded because he kept getting slammed into lockers, he was tired of being tripped up and having to change his clothes twice a day and being upstaged by Rachel no-fashion-sense Berry. But he put up with it because he had to. And now he comes home, only to find that he'd been  _betrayed_ as well? That even some of that pain could have been prevented? It was all too much and his façade was cracking.

'You broke your promise' he said in a very small voice. Finn looked up in surprise at the change of tone; Kurt had never looked so  _young._ His arms were wrapped around himself and his huge eyes were filled with betrayal. He seemed to be fighting for control over himself, as if to pull all of his hurt back in and lock it away where it couldn't be seen.

'I'm sorry' Finn said, a touch of sarcasm to his apology 'But they would've beaten me to pulp if I'd tried … it was seven against one dude'

'No they wouldn't' Kurt said, matter of factly, his expression blank once more 'they need you for the game tomorrow. At worst they would have slushied you instead.'

Finn closed his mouth, ashamed. Kurt was right; he should've taken the cold and humiliation to spare Kurt from it, his little brother. The truth was that he liked being popular again, and sticking up for the gay kid would lose him points. But that sounded too petty and selfish to admit to him, so he came back defensively, and a little mad, he hated being forced to see the bad in himself

'Well maybe, but maybe you should just grow less attached to your clothes. Seriously dude, your love for hats can't be healthy'

'This isn't about my clothes!' Kurt shouted 'this is about the fact that when you wanted to stay the popular quarterback, and I slushied myself for you I hoped that when you  _promised_ me at our parents  _wedding_  you might actually return the favour!' Kurt's voice had raised an octave

'I didn't do anything to  _deserve_  a slushy facial!' Finn retorted heatedly, regretting his words instantly when he saw Kurt's face fall, and his eyes fill with tears and hurt. His voice trembled as he spoke, quiet and soft again

'And I did?' one of the tears fell, followed by another

'Kurt I didn't mean –'

'Yes you did' Kurt whispered, suppressing a sob 'you meant that I deserve it because … because I'm a fag! That's what you meant'

'What's going on here?' The stern voice of Burt Hummel appeared along with the man at the top of the stairs. Kurt and Finn both froze and turned towards him slowly, watching as Burt's icy gaze assessed the situation, Finn with his fists clenched at his sides, Kurt standing there hugging himself, fresh tear tracks on his porcelain face.

'Finn … what the hell did you do to my son?' Burt demanded furiously, squaring himself off against the lanky teen

'Nothing!' Finn cried, holding his hands up in surrender

'Which is precisely the point' Kurt added in, still mumbling 'he knew they were going to slush me today but he didn't do anything because he thinks that I deserve it' Burt's eyes darted between the two boys in bewilderment

'Finn?' he turned to the older 'Is this true?'

'I never said that!' Finn insisted defensively 'I only meant that sometimes …  _sometimes_ he brings it on himself. I mean' he continued quickly, sensing Burt's impending rage and gesturing to Kurt's almost florescent blue shirt 'he doesn't exactly try to blend in does he? And I think that he should be used to it by now. Fourteen times a week is hardly infrequent. Maybe he needs to learn how to stick up for himself a bit.' Finn finished and glanced at Kurt who was just staring at him incredulously and his father who seemed to be letting the words sink in.

After a long silence, broken only by stifled hiccups from Kurt, Burt turned to his son and laid a hand on his shoulder

'You know Kurt' he said, meeting his sons bright eyes 'maybe Finn has a point, I bet if you tone down the clothes a bit, it'd make you less of a target. And you could always ask Finn and Puckerman about learning bits of self defence. It couldn't hurt, right?'

Kurt's face smoothed and he knew he'd said something wrong 'Kurt?' but he only received a stiff nod in reply. Kurt was locking him out, slamming up his defences and retreating to a place where Burt couldn't follow, blocking his emotions from showing. And he didn't like it at  _all_. But Kurt wasn't about to let him in so he turned to the other teen 'and as for you' he growled, prodding Finn in the chest 'next time, I expect you to honour your promise to my son. You'd better hope that next week, the slushy count never gets to three. Got it?' Finn nodded, looking about three years old.

'Yes sir'

'Now apologize. Although your point made sense, you worded it in a hurtful way' the older teenager bowed his head

'I'm sorry Kurt'

'Good' his eyes swept the room once more, Kurt hadn't moved. But there was nothing more he could do, so he retreated to the kitchen to make dinner.

Over the weekend, Kurt stayed in his room, and as far away from Finn as possible, who seemed to have the same idea and spent as much time out of the house as he could.

Kurt knew that his dad had meant well, knew that he wanted the bullying to stop as much as Kurt did; and it was small and petty of him, but he couldn't help being hurt that his dad wanted him to tone down who he was, as if he wasn't happy with the son he had. He knew that Finn would keep him as safe as possible over the next week or so, he wouldn't dare disobey Burt; but Kurt was upset with the fact that Burt had had to  _order_ him to. He wanted Finn to help him because he  _wanted_ to, because he thought that it was wrong, because Kurt was his  _brother_ ; and knowing that he was only doing it to keep Burt happy … that stung.

On Monday he dressed in muted colors, beige and black. He would follow his fathers' advice, whether he agreed with it or not. After combing his hair he left; skipping breakfast just as he had skipped almost all of his meals for the past two days, he just couldn't bring himself to eat.

When he arrived at school he met Mercedes and walked with her to class, arms linked together, talking animatedly.

Finn trailed behind them dejectedly. He liked Kurt, he really did and he hated that everyone picked on the guy, but it was frustrating sometimes that he was expected to take a hit for him, or a slushy. He really did get annoyed that Kurt didn't even  _try_  to change; not fuss over his clothes so much, learn to stand up for himself instead of rolling over and taking it, leaving Finn to come and sort things out. He huffed inside his jacket. It was going to be a  _long_ week.

It took Kurt all of an hour to notice that Finn was shadowing him and he forced himself not to roll his eyes, subtle, Finn was not. This is what the jock always did when he was 'protecting' him, keeping the  _other_  jocks at bay by warning them off when they got too close. He unwittingly made things worse when he eventually stopped. Taunts would follow, cruel and each one made his Ice Queen mask falter, only giving the Neanderthals more satisfaction. But he was aware that Finn had no idea of that, and that his actions were backed up with good intentions, and so he said nothing.

At least he got a bully free day. That counts for something right?

'Hey son, how was school? Finn look out for you?' Kurt nodded 'Good' Burt's tone was flat and he continued to glower at the TV. Kurt came to sit by him, noticing that something was wrong

'How was work?' he ventured tentatively, there were few things that he was tentative about, but an angry Burt Hummel was one of them. He received a grunt in reply. Kurt stared at his father, eyes wide and worrying.

'Dad?' he tried again 'what's wrong?' Burt sighed and closed his eyes, as if fighting for control

'Nothing'

'It must be  _something_ ' Kurt insisted 'you look –'

'Just  _leave_ it Kurt!' he exploded, standing up and striding over to the kitchen. Kurt was stunned, Burt  _never_ yelled at him. Not even when he was five years old and Kurt had spilt his mother's favourite perfume, his dad had just sighed. But Kurt wasn't one to give up, so he went to stand next to his father

'What happened?' he persevered softly

'I got another phone call' Burt exclaimed 'Telling me that my son is a weak, good for nothing homo!'

Kurt flinched; the disgusted tone his father used cut him far deeper than the words he heard on a daily basis.

'Oh' was all he said, looking down at the counter, but Burt wasn't finished yet, he was too highly strung and angry, some of his customers were already tetchy when Kurt was helping him in the shop and after the argument on Friday he was at breaking point, looking at Kurt's crumpling face he felt a vicious stab of venom directed towards his son

'The thing is Kurt' he continued heatedly 'I see his point! It isn't exactly as though you try to defend yourself. It isn't fair to ask Finn to take it all for you, maybe you should try to take a leaf out of his book!' he was yelling now 'Be a man Kurt! Stop being such a –' he cut off suddenly, eyes widening as he realised what he had just said … what he had been about to say.

Tears were falling thick and fast down Kurt's cheeks, his face was scrunched and blotchy and he was trembling like a leaf in a strong wind, his shoulders were shaking uncontrollably and he was curled in on himself, arms hugging his abdomen tightly, making the most terrifying sobbing sounds that Burt had ever heard.

His anger was gone as if it had never been; the only evidence of his heated words was on his sons stricken face, the anger was replaced by immediate guilt and self loathing. No father should  _ever_ be the cause of such pain on his child's face

'Kurt' Burt croaked brokenly, reaching out to pull him into a hug, to apologize over and over again, but Kurt recoiled and backed away from his dad as though he was a complete stranger; staring at him through wide, hopeless eyes, he shook his head as if he didn't understand, as if he couldn't believe it, as if he was lost.

Burt pulled his hand back and watched his sons retreat; he didn't move until he heard the front door click shut, which was when Burt Hummel fell to his knees and cried like a baby.

All Kurt knew, was he was running. He hadn't worked anything out beyond that, tears blurred his vision and rasping sobs made their way out of his throat, making it harder to breathe. But where was he going? He stopped for a second and looked around him to get his bearings; it looked like he was going back to school. But it'd be locked by now, apart from the locker rooms where Finn and the others would be (football practice) so that was somewhere to steer clear of. Kurt then reached into his pocket and felt the key to the auditorium. Mr Shue had given them all one, for anytime they just needed to  _sing_.

Now was one of those times.

Kurt quietly slipped into the auditorium; he made his way to centre stage where he just stood for a while, looking out into the empty seats. He allowed himself a mini breakdown where he was, letting out a few more tears and sobs. As he thought back over the words, he broke down all over again.

His father didn't love him the way he was. He wanted a son like Finn … he'd been about to call him a  _fag_. It wasn't the words that got to him, it was the fact that Burt had said them,  _Burt,_ his  _father_ , the one who always took _his_ side, who loved him no matter what, who clapped when he sang girls songs and told him he looked great no matter what outfit he wore. The boy let out a choked laugh.  _It was funny_ he thought  _how seventeen years of love, trust and loyalty can be wiped out in a single, angry but_ truthful _sentence_. Kurt dropped to his knees, unknowingly mirroring his father and he sobbed until his heart froze and his tears dried up. Then he stood, eyes clear with a song in his heart that he just had to let out

' _Waiting here, for you to call me,_

_For you to tell me, that everything's a big mistake'_

He  _did_  want Burt to call him, he didn't know if he'd pick up, but he just wanted some reassurance that he wasn't completely expendable.

' _Waiting here, in this rainfall_

_Feeling so small_

_This dream was not supposed to break'_

They had always been a family, him and his dad, it was them against the world, like something out of a fairy tale, where they overcame everything life threw at them… except this.

' _I'm so sorry now, for the pain I caused you_

_Won't you please forgive? Please'_

He hadn't meant to hurt his dad; he hadn't wanted to cause him any trouble

' _But you don't love me anymore_

_You don't want me anymore_

_There's a sign on your door_

_No vacancy, just emptiness_

_Without your love_

_I'm homeless'_

At least Finn could have the basement to himself. Maybe Kurt could live with Mercedes until he could get a flat of his own.

' _In this cold, I'm walking aimless_

_Feeling helpless_

_Without a shelter from the storm'_

Kurt's pure voice rang through the stands passionately, in a literal sense, it  _was_  cold, and he hadn't even grabbed a jacket on the way out. But in reality, he just felt lost.

' _And in my heart, I miss you so much_

_I'm missing your touch_

_And the home that used to be so warm'_

Memories of him an his dad bombarded him; Burt holding his hand at his mothers funeral, sitting down to have a tea party with him, ruffling his hair, patting his shoulder, pulling him in for a hug, Burt had been the one constant in his life since his mother had died, and now …

' _I'm so sorry now, for the pain I caused you_

_Won't you please forgive? Please_

Now the memories of Burt changed, Burt walking in on him performing Beyonce, asking him if he was sure he was gay, the embarrassed look on his face when Kurt began dancing in the middle of the field, yelling at him that he should be more like Finn. More tears made their way down his cheeks as he continued pushing the words to the song out, infusing every single stab of hurt his father had ever (intentionally or otherwise) caused him

' _But you don't love me anymore_

_You don't want me anymore_

_There's a sign on your door_

_No vacancy, just emptiness_

_Without your love_

_I'm homeless'_

Kurt still wanted his dad, he wanted a shoulder to cry on, he shouldn't have stormed out like that, he should've tried to make things right

' _Oh, my daddy_

_I'm sorry, sorry_

_But you don't love me anymore_

_You don't want me anymore_

_There's a sign on your door_

_No vacancy, just emptiness_

_Without your love_

_I'm homeless'_

His voice died out, cracking on the last note. He had never felt so alone.


	2. Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go :) chapter 2 ^.^  
> Thank you to Jasondragon64 (have you followed me from fanficiton.net? ;) I remember you  
> So this is dedicated to him :)  
> Enjoy ^.^

Kurt stayed in the auditorium for a while longer and then left, locking the door behind him. He took his phone out, thinking of texting Mercedes to ask if he could crash at hers for a while, he'd have to wait until Burt went out before he could go back to pack his wardrobe. He obviously wasn't welcome there anymore.

As he headed across the parking lot cell in hand, he heard a shout, making him jump and drop it, the screen cracked and went black, Kurt looked around frantically, and all the blood drained from his face at the sight of seven red and white jackets heading towards him; panicking, Kurt scooped up his phone and broke into a run, even though his head was screaming at him that it was useless, that they were faster than him, that running would only make it worse.

His thoughts were brought to a sudden halt as 400 pounds worth of jock slammed him to the ground

'Stupid fag' one of them spat 'you should really  _listen_ when we talk to you' Kurt just stared wildly, searching for an escape route, but there was none. He was trapped!

One of the jocks lifted his fist and punched Kurt in the face, causing him to cry out in pain as his head snapped back into the tarmac. One of them laughed and as if that was a cue, the rest of them set in with punches, kicks and hateful words, most of them landing to his stomach or face. Kurt tried to crawl away but they dragged him back and restrained him, not pausing in their vicious attack.

He eventually gave up struggling and curled into a ball, whimpering at each new wave of pain.

After what seemed like hours, the jocks tired of their game and after each spitting on him in turn, threw him into the dumpster and ran away laughing.

Kurt lay there shivering. Broken, bloody and bruised he looked up at the night sky; wondering, as he had as a child, if the stars could see him, if his  _mother_  could see him. What would she think of him now? Would she be disappointed in her gay son? Would she too have wanted him to be more like Finn? He didn't think so somehow. He wanted to believe that his mother was proud of him, that she loved him, and that as she watched him hurting as he lay there surrounded by heaps of trash bags, she sent her star to burn brightly overhead to comfort him. It was this star that he gazed at now. It was his mothers without a doubt. The brightest in the sky. He may not believe in God, or Angels. But he liked to think that the dead could still watch the living, and manipulate things. Like ghosts, only kind.

His voice was raw as he began to sing again, he felt the cold in his bones and he was struggling to keep his eyes open, but he had one last song to sing

' _Stay alive, soft, dark and dreamless_

_Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness'_

He hoped that his mother was listening to him. He doubted that anyone else would care.

' _I hate me, for breathing without you_

_I don't want to feel anymore for you'_

He had often cried himself to sleep, drowning in memories. At that age, he had blamed himself for being alive when she wasn't.

' _Grieving for you, I'm not grieving for you_

_Nothing real love can't undo'_

Kurt remembered his mother, her face, her soft brown hair, her smell of lilac and milk and talcum powder, but it had always been easier for his dad if he pretended that he didn't, and he had often wished that he didn't remember either, it hurt too much to remember her kindness, her musical voice, her tinkling laugh, her soft hugs and her fleeting kisses and most of all, it hurt to remember her unconditional love, especially when Kurt had done something to make Burt mad at him.

' _And though I may have lost my way_

_All paths lead straight to you'_

Everything Kurt did, everywhere he went, he was hit with reminders about his mother, someone with green eyes, or when he saw his own face in the mirror, or that certain expression his father got sometimes. He had always looked for those things when he felt alone, sometimes he would stare into the mirror for hours, erasing his own features and keeping hers, so that he could almost believe it was Elizabeth staring back at him, reaching up to stroke his cheek, smiling sadly at her only son.

' _I long to be like you_

_Lie cold in the ground like you_

Kurt had never before wished to be dead. But now, frozen to his core and with no one on this earth to call his family any more, he did.

' _Halo, binding wall between us_

_Melt away, and leave us alone again'_

His mother had seemed so far away since she had been lowered into the ground, but now she was so close, as if the veil between life and death had thinned, he could almost see her, almost reach out and touch her

' _Humming haunted somewhere out there_

_I believe our love can see us through in death'_

He had never stopped loving her, and he knew he would always remember her the way she had been, no matter what happened. Kurt's voice swelled with the feelings that he had kept bottled up since her death

' _I long to be like you_

_Lie cold in the ground like you_

_There's room inside for two_

_And I'm not grieving for you_

_I'm coming for you'_

It hurt to sing. It was pushing at his battered stomach, and it felt like it was ripping his throat out. But he had to finish the song. For her. Something wet landed on his cheek, a raindrop, and another adding to the cold; but it seemed to him as if it were his mother crying for him, knowing that her child would soon be reunited with her.

' _You're not alone_

_No matter what they told you_

_You're not alone_

_I'll be right beside you forevermore'_

Kurt remembered the day she had died. Kurt and his father had been driving to the hospital where she was, Kurt had drawn a picture for her in school, he gazed at it as Burt drove in silence, and his dad was silent a lot of the time those days. It was titled  _The Future_  and it was a picture of the three of them, when his mother would get well again and she was hugging him and his father who was smiling again had his hand on Kurt's shoulder, his other arm around his wife.

When they got to the hospital, she was already gone.

Kurt had always blamed himself. If he had just left the drawing instead of trying to find it, they would have left earlier, and they would have been there in time to see her one last time. And she wouldn't have died alone.

Kurt hadn't realised he was crying again, his tears mingling with the rain.

' _I long to be like you mom_

_Lie cold in the ground like you do_

_There's room inside for two_

_And I'm not grieving for you_

Kurt didn't miss his mother anymore, now he missed his father, as if he was already too far away from this world to consider himself a part of it. The pain in his chest was the only thing tying him to life, he tried not to concentrate on it, but it was too strong, and his voice was beginning to waver. He was so close now, he just had to finish the song.

' _And as we lay in silent bliss_

_I know you remember me'_

He hoped his father would remember him. That one day, he would be able to look back at his son and remember the good times they had had, without being tainted by the disappointment he felt now.

' _I long to be like you_

_Lie cold in the ground like you_

_There's room inside for two_

_And I'm not grieving for you_

_I'm coming for you'_

Kurt finished the song and his eyes fluttered closed as he struggled to breathe. The star of his mother seemed so much closer now. L _et me die_ he begged to the star  _Just let me never be a disappointment to anyone again. Please._

Soon after that, Kurt slipped into unconsciousness, he was too drained, and hurting too much to stay awake any longer, so he let himself be lulled by the soft silver light of the moon and the stars.

XXX

Burt Hummel had passed a sleepless night staring at the ceiling and listening for the front door to open, but it never did; after Carole came in Burt had retired to bed early, claiming tiredness.

Burt was wracked with guilt over what he had said to Kurt. The look on his face even now made his stomach twist painfully. He was hoping with all of his heart that Kurt would come home so that he could beg forgiveness. He was a terrible father.

He assumed that he had gone to stay with Mercedes; his cell was off so he would call the Jones' in the morning and beg his boy to come home.

He thought of Elizabeth. She had always been so much better than he was at knowing what to say, knowing when Kurt had needed changing or feeding or just needed some attention and a hug. She would never forgive him for this.  _'You have one job in this world'_  were her last words to him, as if she had known that they would be, even though they had both promised to return the next day; and despite her frail condition, her voice was strong and sincere as she stared into his eyes  _'You have to love our son. No matter what he turns out to be, whether you agree with him or not you have to support him and love him. Just love him enough for the both of us'_

And so he had tried. He had muddled along with his son as best he could. Raising him so he was able to change a tyre by the time he was ten (with a little help with the lifting and screwing), and when he had expressed an interest in singing and performing, Burt had encouraged him to join the drama group and the school choir. Knowing that his son was gay all the while was difficult for him, but he managed. Over the years he grew to accept that despite an unnatural love for bow ties and tea parties he had Elizabeth's kindness, an unflappable disposition and a sweet innocence that forgave people as soon as they had called him a name, putting it down to a mistake, and a steely determination that never failed to get him his own way. Burt had grown to love Kurt as more than a son, he loved him as a person, as a friend. And in one angry moment he had forgotten all of the reasons why he loved Kurt, and remembered instead all the reasons why he was frustrated with him. The way that Kurt masked his emotions so well, the way he never asked for help even when he desperately needed it, the way he was always just so strong and calm, the way he just took all the pain and never retaliated and the way that he never hid who he was. Thinking about it now, they were all  _more_  reasons why he loved his son.

 _I'm sorry Beth_ he thought, tears leaking from his eyes  _I failed you both. I'm so sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is:  
> Like You - Evanescence (an amazing band!)  
> What do you think? Please let me know :D  
> All feedback is welcome ^.^  
> Love Tibbins xx


	3. Give Me A Sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one already :D I just couldn't resist xD  
> So here you are :)  
> Enjoy ^.^

Noah Puckerman was awake early for once, woken by a call from his best friend Finn

'Puck?' his voice was fast and grating, as if he'd been crying

'Hey bro, what's up? I know you're never awake at this time' Puck propped himself up on his elbows and stretched at well as he could. He ran a hand through his mohawk, something must be seriously wrong.

'It's Kurt' Puck groaned, Finn was always complaining about the kid, how he felt like an idiot following him about to stop the other jocks that so loved to torment him. Personally, Puck thought that Finn was a coward; if it had been  _his_ brother then he would have knocked ten shades of shit from anyone who laid a finger on him. Not that he wouldn't do that for Kurt either; he  _liked_ Kurt, he respected his bravery for resisting the urge to conform despite it being the easy option, and sometimes he really didn't like Finn when he complained about Kurt not sticking up for himself and acting girly. Finn just didn't see the haunted look in Kurt's eyes that he masked with Ice Queen Bitch, Finn didn't understand that Kurt just didn't want to make things difficult for anyone else. Sometimes Puck thought that Finn had pushed Kurt into believing that he had to handle everything alone; something that he did his best to do. Puck had even respected him when he was tossing the kid into the dumpster; there had been an unbreakable determination and an iron will in him to appear more concerned about his clothes than the humiliation.

'We had an argument on Friday, and Burt had a go at him last night and said some really bad stuff and Kurt walked out! Burt thought he was at Mercedes' but he wasn't and nobody's seen him and I'm really worried! It was below freezing last night, Burt's a mess and –' Puck cut off his frantic best friend

'Whoa … calm down dude. I'll meet you at school in forty ok? We can talk then' Finn agreed and ended the call. Puck dressed and was out the door in record time, and in fifteen minutes he was in the school parking lot. He needed time to think before Finn got there.

Kurt was missing! The thought scared him. And Noah Puckerman was not easily scared. Kurt was like the little gay brother of the group, he was always trying to be cheerful and he was weirdly dressed and saw the best in everyone, and he was just so  _young_ that it was hard to remember that he had experienced first hand the cruelty of the world.

Puck was thoroughly ashamed that he used to be a part of that horror. And even though Kurt was the strongest person he had met he was still  _frail_. The thought of him being out alone last night gave him nightmarish images of the boy huddled in a doorway somewhere, stone cold and unmoving. Where could he be?

He kicked the dumpster in frustration, from inside came a muffled squeak, and Puck felt sudden relief course through him. Right under his nose! Until he looked inside and his heart dropped through the floor.

Kurt Hummel was curled in on himself, his thin shirt had ridden up slightly, exposing the angry purple bruises on his stomach, dried blood on his face, mingled with tear tracks; and he was so  _pale_ , with an unnatural blue tinge to his skin, the boy in the dumpster was trembling. He didn't look at all like Kurt Hummel;  _this_  boy was broken and weak, eyes half open as if he didn't quite know what was going on. Puck's heart went out to him and he reached down to brush some hair out of his face, but as soon as he made contact Kurt flinched violently, banging his head into the side of the dumpster, but he didn't react to the pain. His huge blue eyes widened, glazed with an even worse pain and fear.

'Hey' Puck said softly, as if to a tentative puppy 'It's ok' Kurt just blinked up at him, only relaxing a fraction when he recognised the badass, Puck thought that things couldn't be too bad if Kurt even looked slightly embarrassed at being seen like this ... Right? He kept eye contact with those blue orbs that followed his every move, and spoke again

'I'm going to lift you out of the dumpster ok?' he asked. Kurt gave no response so Puck reached in and slipped his arms under the boy and lifted him out, not putting him down because he doubted that Kurt could walk at the moment. He was so  _light._ When was the last time he had eaten? He felt empty to Puck, as if he was made of cloud, or air. Kurt was ice cold and damp; he must have been there all night. Puck gently laid him down, took off his jacket and wrapped it around him. That was slightly better. Finn still wasn't there so he pulled out his cell and dialled 911 before pulling Kurt back to him, hoping to give him some body heat, he wrapped his strong arms around the frail form and tightened them, rocking slightly. He had never been so worried in his life; Kurt was just staring blankly ahead, as if he had already given up on life. As if he was simply waiting to die. He needed to do something, to keep Kurt fighting. He bit his lip and felt like a true Glee kid when a song came to his mind

' _Dead star shine, light up the sky_

_I'm all out of breath, my walls are closing in_

_Days go by, give me a sign_

_Come back to the end, the shepherd of the damned'_

Kurt's eyes flickered to him in surprise at the sound

' _I can feel you falling away_

_No longer the lost, no longer the same'_

Puck didn't look away, hoping that he could help Kurt to find his way back

' _And I can see you starting to break_

_I'll keep you alive if you show me the way'_

Kurt Hummel was truly broken, and Puck wondered what on earth Burt could have said to cause such hopelessness in his eyes, those eyes that latched onto his, as if they were a lifeline, a reason to stay

' _Forever and ever the scars will remain_

_I'm falling apart, leave me here forever in the dark'_

Almost imperceptibly, Kurt shook his head side to side, as if refusing to let Puck fall to his level; as he always did, Kurt was stopping others from being dragged down with him, as his pride wouldn't allow it.

' _Daylight dies, black out the skies_

_Does anybody care? Is anybody there?'_

Kurt shook his head again, in an answer to the question. Puck nodded, to show that he was wrong, Pity filled the younger ones gaze, as if Puck didn't understand

' _Take this life, empty inside_

_I'm already dead, I'll rise to fall again'_

Puck knew that he could never forgive himself if he failed to help Kurt; it pained him to see the boy like this, no smile, just pain. He knew that what happened would change him forever, whether for the better or not remained to be seen

' _I can feel you falling away_

_No longer the lost, no longer the same_

_And I can see you starting to break_

_I'll keep you alive if you show me the way_

_For ever and ever the scars will remain_

_I'm falling apart, leave me here forever in the dark'_

Puck felt his own eyes well up and let the tears fall, Kurt looked confused, asking him with his eyes why he should care about him, his strength was waning, his head began to loll, and his eyes started to flutter. Puck was quickly losing control and his voice began to quiver as he begged Kurt to stay with him.

' _God help me, I've come undone_

_Out of the light of the sun_

_God help me, I've come undone_

_Out of the light of the sun_

Kurt's eyes finally closed, but Puck kept singing, he  _had_ to reach out to him, to give him the strength to hold on

' _I can feel you falling away_

_No longer the lost, no longer the same_

_And I can see you starting to break_

_I'll keep you alive if you show me the way_

_For ever and ever the scars will remain_

Kurt was slipping away, his breathing was slowing. Puck was terrified

' _Give me a sign_

_There's something buried in the words'_

When Puck next saw Burt and Finn; He would punch them. It was only now he realised just how much Kurt meant to him. He'd never thought about it before, but a black hole opened up in him at the thought of never hearing Kurt's witty comebacks or seeing his carefree grin again. Without being consciously aware of it, bully and victim had become friends.

' _Give me a sign_

_Your tears are adding to the flood'_

Pucks eyes lingered on the boys' stomach where he knew bruises were, whoever had done that to him would pay. Karofsky came to mind. He would be the first. Puck was doing what Puck did best, channelling whatever hurt he felt into anger.

_Just give me a sign_

_There's something buried in the words_

_Give me a sign_

_Your tears are adding to the flood_

_Forever and ever the scars will remain'_

'Don't give up on me Kurt' he begged as sirens sounded close by 'Please'

Kurt's lips moved and he whispered one word that brought Noah's whole world crashing down

' _Goodbye'_

Everything else was a blur, Kurt loaded into the back of the ambulance, Finn running to the gate and staring in horror, just in time to see them speed past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?  
> The song is:  
> Give Me A Sign - Breaking Benjamin   
> These songs are really good btw, you should check 'em out :)  
> Any and all feedback is appreciated, compliments or complaints or indifference xD  
> Let me know :)  
> Love Tibbins xx


	4. Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter for you :D   
> Thank you guys so much for all the comments and kudos :) they really mean a lot  
> This chapter is dedicated to ChirpingEmu :D  
> Enjoy ^.^

Everything else was a blur. Kurt loaded into the back of the ambulance, Finn sprinting towards them before stopping at the gate and staring in horror just in time to see them speed past.

Burt was pacing the kitchen, calling Kurt's cell for the 73rd time.

'Hey! Kurt here, well, Kurt  _not_  here at the moment so leave a message and I'll call you back  _beep'_

'Kurt, son, please pick up. I'm so sorry Kurt, where are you? Call me. Please. I love you'

He dragged a hand over his face, where could he have gone? Burt was going out of his mind with worry. It had rained last night on top of being freezing, if Kurt had been outside … Burt flinched away from that thought. He and Finn had already called every single member of the Glee club between them, and Finn had just gone to meet Puckerman at school. Everyone was out looking for him. Carole had taken Artie and Mercedes to the mall to search there. Mercedes knew his favourite shops that he may have gone to.

This was all his fault. He wouldn't  _ever_ forgive himself for this. He would spend the rest of his life trying to make things up to Kurt. He even prayed, despite knowing Kurt's  _and_  his own definite non religious beliefs, he figured that if God was any kind of God then Elizabeth wouldn't have died and Kurt wouldn't get picked on. The two people that he valued above anyone else had suffered so much.

Burt could never stand waiting idly by; he had to be doing  _something_. But he  _needed_ to stay here; in case Kurt came home, in case he called, he  _had_ to be the first person to talk to him, to beg him to come back, to pull his son into a hug and cry in relief that he was ok. The alternative was unthinkable.

After a frantic half hour of pacing the phone rang

'Kurt?' He asked as hope filled him

'Finn' came the breathless reply 'Puck … ambulance … hospital … Kurt … Hurry!' the call ended and Burt looked at the thing is his hand for a full second before dropping the phone and sprinting to his truck, in five minutes he was outside the school and Finn was riding shotgun

'I saw the ambulance from the end of the road, I began to run but I was too late, Puck must have found him and called 911. I didn't see Kurt but it must have been him. It  _must_  have been!'

'Call him' Burt demanded, Finn did

'No answer' he informed. Burt's lips just thinned and he stepped down on the gas, breaking the speed limit.

The hospital was a twenty minute drive, Burt didn't take his eyes off the road, but Finn noticed the struggle in his eyes, finally it burst out

'I can't lose him Finn' he said 'Not after Beth. He's my _son_ , and I said … I  _failed_ as a father. This is my fault!'

Finn remained silent. There was nothing to say to that.  _It's my fault too._ He thought  _I should have just taken that damned slushy. Then none of this would have happened._  He just bit his lip with guilt overwhelming him.

Eventually they reached the hospital, Burt barely waited to turn the engine off before he was striding into the emergency room

'Where's my son?' he demanded loudly to the receptionist 'Kurt Hummel, I'm his father, and this is his step brother, Finn Hudson. Where is he?'

The man behind the desk gestured wordlessly to where a stretcher bed was careening down the sterile corridor, with four doctors escorting it. Burt didn't look back to see if Finn was following, he took off

'Burt!' Someone grabbed him and spun him around, he was about to punch them when he recognised Puck, but he was still shaking with anger as he replied

'That's my son! I'm  _not_ going to leave him'

'Bit late for that' Puck's eyes were cold and he didn't release Burt's arm 'they're taking him to do an assessment or something, I wasn't listening' Burt sagged and Finn caught up, just in time to catch him and drag him to a chair. He glared at Puck over Burt's shoulder, Puck just shrugged.

'You have no idea how hard it is for me right now, resisting the urge to punch the both of you' he said coldly, and he faced the direction Kurt had been taken, his back to them. He was still fuming, Finn walked over to him

'Dude, not cool' he said quietly, he jerked his thumb at where Kurt had gone 'that's Burt's  _son_!'

'And that's  _your_ brother!' Puck yelled, whirling around 'and  _I_ found him! I found him in a dumpster, beaten to pulp and practically blue!' Finn had gone deathly pale and Burt was shaking uncontrollably as he stared in horror at Puck, but he wasn't finished yet 'and as if  _that_  wasn't bad enough, he wasn't even  _trying_! When I found him, he'd already given up! Do you know what that feels like? Trying to save someone who doesn't think that he's worth saving? I've never felt so helpless!' He turned on Finn

'You had football practice last night, why didn't you see him? Why didn't you  _save_ him?' Finn shook his head

'I wasn't there!' he said frantically 'the Beast kept me behind and by the time I got out, the others were on the other side of the parking lot already …' his eyes widened as realisation dawned 'Oh God! How did I miss that?' The rest of the blood drained from his face. He could have stopped it! Puck didn't accept this for an answer . . . Finn was there and once again he did  _nothing_ to help his brother. Unlike Kurt, Puck was not one for words, so he socked Finn in the jaw instead.

Finn attempted to punch him back but Puck grabbed his wrist easily and twisted it up behind his back. Finn cried out

'What the hell dude?'

'This is  _nothing_ compared to what Kurt has been through, you coward' he spat 'not even counting what made him wonder why I  _cared_  that he looked about ready to die right there!' Burt flinched and looked down again, eyes strangely blank. The only thing he could feel was guilt. Everything else was numb.

Puck grunted in disgust as he thrust Finn away from him who stumbled into a chair.

'And as for  _you_ ' he spat at Burt 'not even  _my_  old man made me feel that worthless. And I felt pretty damn worthless! I hope you're ashamed of what you've done. You have a fantastic son. But you don't deserve him!' He turned back to the hygiene posters on the far wall.

'Puckerman' Burt was standing again and despite his anger at the man, Puck couldn't help but pity him. God, he was a mess; his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he hadn't shaved or eaten, and it was clear, even to Puck that the man was worried sick about Kurt. He expected a punch for his words and he had just decided that he wouldn't retaliate, when Burt reached out and hugged the surprised teen

'Thank you' he mumbled 'thank you for finding him'. When he started sobbing into Puck's shoulder, the jock awkwardly patted him on the back and guided him back to the chair. 'You're right' Burt sobbed. 'He's all I've got. You have no idea how much that boy means to me.' he was imploring to Puck now, as if willing him to understand 'I will  _never_ forgive myself for what I said to him. You can't even  _begin_ to imagine how much I regret it.' He buried his face in his hands. 'It's all my fault' he mumbled through his renewed tears.

This was so uncharacteristic of Burt Hummel that both boys were taken aback. They glanced at each other briefly.

'Excuse me?' they all looked towards the new voice, Burt was on his feet in a second

'How is he?'

'He's stable and he should make a full physical recovery. He's sleeping at the moment.' The doctor looked at them pityingly; he knew how hard it was to see children and friends suffer

'I want to see my son' Finn and Puck nodded and made to stand behind him

'Only one at a time,' the doctor insisted 'we don't want to excite him' the boys looked at each other again and as one they stepped back. Finn clapped Burt on the shoulder

'Take your time Burt'

'Follow me' the doctor turned and led Burt through several sterile, identical corridors before gesturing into a room with a single bed and a boy in it. Burt walked in slowly, glancing back at the doctor who nodded encouragingly before hustling away. Now that he was here, he almost wasn't sure that he wanted to see Kurt in anything but perfect condition. Squaring his shoulders, he took the chair next to the bed, took a deep breath, and looked.

He was so  _pale_. His skin was almost the same colour as the sheet he lay under, his dark shock of hair lay every which way (which Kurt would  _not_  appreciate). Burt reached out and smoothed his son's hair gently. How  _tiny_ he looked. He was in the foetal position, meaning that his feet were tucked in and he didn't even take up half of the small bed. A huge ball of regret and grief made its way to Burt's throat and stuck there.

'Kurt' he choked. He remembered what Puckerman had said about him being beaten up and shuddered. He didn't want to see the evidence. His son; his gentle, sweet, kind, helpful, fierce, strong, frail, proud, sensitive  _son_ , was lying here because of a few ignorant Neanderthals. He stopped at that thought … he had driven Kurt away; he had said, and almost said … terrible things. The fact that Kurt had been out at all was entirely his fault! He had been one of those Neanderthals when he was younger but he had hoped that he'd grown out of that; living with a gay son, and growing to understand and love him despite who he was, eventually, because of it. He had  _never_ been so thoroughly ashamed of himself.

He took his little boys hand and began to apologise, over and over to the sleeping form, to his late wife, until he felt that he had to say something more substantial that I'm sorry's. Burt had never been a performer, or a singer. He had always been a mechanic. But he had also been a father and sometimes, when a father was with a mother and they were putting their son to bed, the father had picked up the boys favourite lullaby that the mother sung.

It had been the first song other than nursery rhymes that Kurt had ever sung. He sang it at Beth's funeral.

It was from Elizabeth's favourite book. She read the series over 37 times in total, and every time, she cried at the bit with the lullaby.

So Burt Hummel, reverted to the Burt Hummel just after Elizabeth's death and began to sing (or speak in time to) that lullaby.

' _Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

_And when again they open, the sun will rise'_

Burt was fighting back tears, bombarded with memories of the three of them, how much of a family they had been. He stroked Kurt's hand as he sang the next part, hoping it was reaching out to him.

' _Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you'_

Burt let the tears fall as he started the second verse. It was  _his_ fault that his son was here. Why shouldn't he hurt? He deserved it.

' _Deep in the meadow, hidden far away_

_A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray_

_Forget your woes and let your troubles lay_

_And all of your sorrows will wash away'_

He sniffed as he imagined last night. His defenceless boy being set upon by thugs and thrown in a dumpster; lying there all night in the cold and rain… the look on his face at his father's cruel words.

' _Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you'_

He finished and gazed at Kurt. He had twitched, but given no other indication of hearing the lullaby. Burt sighed and stood up. The others would be worrying about him too.

'Goodbye Kurt' he muttered, leaning in to kiss his hair 'I love you son. I'll be back soon, ok?'

As soon as the footsteps receded, Kurt opened his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?  
> The song is the lullaby from the Hunger Games (the book version)  
> Any and all feedback is welcome and appreciated :)  
> Let me know your opinions  
> Love Tibbins xx


	5. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's chapter 5 for you :)  
> This chapter is dedicated to jasondragon64 ^.^  
> I own nothing  
> Enjoy :D

Kurt lay there, thinking over his fathers words. That song … A tear leaked from his eye, and he didn't move to wipe it away. Kurt hadn't moved since they'd put him in this bed. He couldn't bring himself to. He didn't want to be here. He didn't  _deserve_ to be saved. Why had Noah sung to him? Why had he made him feel briefly as if he were loved?

 _Only Mom loves me now_  he thought  _I want to be with her_ ; another tear fell. But he had said goodbye to her. In Noah's arms he had whispered a final goodbye to his mother because in that moment,he had  _wanted_  to live. But after listening to his father say that he loved him, he felt sick. It was too complicated; it would have been easier if he hadn't woken up, if Burt still hated him or both. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to clear his head, so confused that he barely noticed the door opening.

'Hey … err … Kurt' Finn's voice said. There was a pause, Kurt didn't move, trying to breathe evenly, once again feigning unconsciousness. He didn't want to talk to Finn either. He just wished that everybody would leave him alone so he could think. He needed to figure out what to do next. Finn sat down heavily next to the bed

'I'm really sorry dude. I should've known. This never should've happened . . . Your dad's a mess you know' he added after a pause 'He's really worried about you. He feels terrible about what he said.' another uncomfortable silence. Kurt thought this over. Was it just guilt that made him insist that he loved his son? Or was it something more? Reverse psychology maybe, seeing as now Kurt felt guilty for causing his father more worry. 'I texted everyone else in Glee club, they should be on their way now. Even Mr Schue's coming.' A longer pause this time as Finn began to fiddle with the bed sheet. 'We all care about you Kurt. No matter what we say at times. We  _do_ care.' Then, before anyone could call him a sissy, he stood and left. Kurt gazed at the window. If Finn had told the others then that meant he told Mercedes. He could  _always_ talk to Mercedes. Mercedes would understand.

'Kurt, baby, are you okay? What happened?' The diva rushed in and hugged her best friend; pulling him to her and holding him close 'I was so  _worried_ about you! I got your text asking if you could stay over, I waited for you _all night_ but you didn't show! I tried calling but you didn't pick up. Oh baby I am so sorry this happened to you!' She paused to take a breath and let him go; only more concerned when Kurt barely cracked a smile at her

'Hey 'Cedes' he greeted, realising as he did that they were the first words he had said since he woke up 'I'm fine. I just got beaten up, chucked in a dumpster and left there overnight' his voice was like silk: soft and fragile. And his ghostly smile didn't make Mercedes feel any better.

'Honey what's wrong? I mean aside from the obvious'

'Nothing' Okay, maybe it wasn't so easy to talk to Mercedes after all.

'Baby don't you give me that. I've known you for too long. Something else is bothering you. So tell me'

Kurt shook his head. It was amazing he had any tears left; they all seemed to be on his face. Mercedes' face softened as she pulled out a tissue and dabbed at his eyes

'Oh Kurt, don't cry' she pleaded gently 'you know blotchy isn't a good look for you' she smiled at him, and got faint upturned lips in return. 'Okay baby, if you don't wanna tell me. Sing it to me.'

Kurt's blue eyes flashed to her dark ones in surprise. Maybe that could work.

'If I can think of a song' he said finally. Mercedes nodded.

'I've got time. Oh!' she cried 'I almost forgot! I got you these from your house, I know how you hate these yucky gowns' She pulled out some clothes from her bag. Kurt teared up again

'Mercedes … I love you' he said, a genuine smile on his face for the first time. Mercedes just grinned and drew the curtain, allowing him to think.

After sitting back down on the bed, Kurt began to sing

' _Hey dad, look at me_

_Think back and talk to me_

_Did I grow up according to plan?'_

Of course he hadn't grown up according to plan. Burt had always wanted a son like Finn. And instead, he got Kurt. He refused to look at Mercedes, who had already figured out the not so subtle message in the song.

' _Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?_

' _Cause it hurts when you disapprove all along'_

Outside in the corridor, Burt stopped pacing to listen to the sound coming from his son's room

' _And now I try hard to make it_

_I just wanna make you proud'_

His eyes widened, knowing straight away what Kurt was singing about

' _I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_I can't pretend that I'm alright_

_And you can't change me'_

As much as Kurt  _wanted_ to change, as much as he wanted to be Finn; he knew he never could be.

'' _Cause we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry I can't be_

_Perfect'_

'Oh Kurt' Burt whispered, his eyes filling with tears at his sons words. Mercedes was crying too and Kurt was only just holding himself back because he hated crying in front of his friends, even fabulous ones like Mercedes. Kurt still wouldn't meet her eyes; he was sharing something private with her, and he couldn't bring himself to see her reaction to his words

' _I try not to think_

_About the pain I feel inside_

_Did you know you used to be my hero?'_

The best dad in the world. That had been Burt Hummel. He had never once complained about the son he had been given and he had loved Kurt regardless of what others thought. But now … Burt shook his head. What had he done? How could he have done this to Kurt? His sondidn't realise just how perfect he was.

' _All the days you spent with me_

_Now seem so far away_

_And it feels like you don't care anymore'_

Kurt's voice began to quiver, and he was struggling to get the words out through the lump in his throat. He didn't want to face Mercedes' pity yet, so he would finish the song. He almost regretted choosing this song. It was the eerie echo of his life. He wished that he had been born as someone else. Or not at all. Burt obviously preferred Finn… no matter how many times he admitted it to himself it still stung.

' _I can't stand another fight_

_And nothings alright'_

A tear rolled down his father's cheek. How could he have said those terrible things to Kurt? How could he have driven his only child to such despair?

'' _Cause we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry I can't be_

_Perfect_

_Now it's just too late_

_And we can't go back_

_I'm sorry I can't be_

_Perfect'_

Kurt was still holding back his pain; Mercedes was looking at her best friend. She had always admired the way he kept control, and seeing him so close to the edge now … it was scary. Mercedes wondered what on earth Burt could have said to cause his son to look like this.

' _Nothing's gonna change the things that you said_

_Nothing's gonna make this right again'_

He was right, Burt thought, head in hands. He would never be able to apologise enough for this. He had no right to ask Kurt to forgive him. He had overstepped the mark by a long run and there was no way to unsay those horrible words

' _Please don't turn your back_

_I can't believe it's hard_

_Just to talk to you_

' _Cause you don't understand'_

Kurt closed his eyes for the last chorus. He pictured his fathers face. Imagined Burt turning away from him in disgust at the lyrics to this song and he just couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer.

'' _Cause we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry I can't be_

_Perfect_

_Now it's just too late_

_And I can't go back_

_I'm sorry I can't be_

_Perfect'_

Mercedes brought her hands around the sobbing boy and hugged him tight. For now, just her being there was enough. But sooner or later (sooner, judging by the song) Kurt would need his father to be the one comforting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?   
> The song is Perfect by Simple Plan, it's very good :)  
> Please let me know any and all opinions  
> All feedback is welcome ^.^  
> Love Tibbins xx


	6. Whattaya Want From Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you :D  
> Jasondragon64: You do know that this is exactly the same Betrayal fic that's posted on fanfiction.net right? :P I'm just copying it over from there, but keep reading and reviewing by all means ;)  
> This chapter is dedicated to shadowpsykie for your lovely comment :D  
> KURT - ITALICS  
> PUCK - BOLD ITALICS  
> TOGETHER - BOLD  
> Because for some reason the underlines aren't working on the preview :/  
> Enjoy ^.^

Mercedes was replaced by Artie, who was replaced by Santana, who was replaced by Brittany, Tina, Mike, Quinn, Mr Schue … Kurt lost count of the fake smiles and the kind words and the faces all blurred together. Yes he was fine, No there was nothing they could do, and yes he was glad Puck had found him. They all asked the same things and he gave the same answers. Only Brittany's question about the dumpster gnomes had broken the monotony.

And after them came the doctors and the nurses, asking him questions, checking his charts and Kurt went through the motions of caring about his replies. But he didn't, he had a song stuck in his head. And only Mercedes knew it. But she had gone home hours ago and the doctors were talking about discharging him the next day. He was given information too. Puck, Finn and Burt still remained in the corridor. They wouldn't be persuaded to leave. Finn had gone out briefly to buy some fries for the three of them but that was all.

He didn't understand it. He was fine now, why were they still here? They had no reason to feel guilty over him anymore, crisis averted, case closed … Right?

The nurse had just switched the light in the room off. He could see the stars from the window.

 _Help me understand mom_ he begged the night sky  _help me to figure out why they don't leave_.

No answer came. He hadn't really expected one. But it would have been nice.

He heard footsteps out in the hallway; they hesitated outside his door, and then gently pushed it open and crept inside, shutting the door behind them. Kurt didn't bother to close his eyes. Puck had seen him at his worst, this was a vast improvement. At least he was in proper pyjamas.

'Hey' Noah whispered softly 'Still awake?'  _stupid question_  he berated himself, he could see the moon reflected in the kids eyes, of  _course_ he was awake. But Kurt just nodded and sat up, sighing. It still hurt to move, but it was easy to ignore when he wanted.

'So are you'

'Yeah' Puck rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit. 'I didn't think you would be. You've had a hectic day.'

'If by hectic you mean lazy then yes, I suppose I have.' Kurt returned. Noah smiled

'You haven't lost your humor'

'What do you want Puck?' Kurt hissed warily 'You sneak into my room in the hope that I was sleeping? Why? Come to gloat about how much of a mess I am? How much my life sucks, and that you were right all along when you told me that I was worthless and that nobody cared about me? Because if you have, I'd appreciate it if you'd spare me the repeat of what's been going around in my head ever since I woke up!'

'What? No! Kurt, no!' Noah exclaimed, shocked at the boys outburst. 'I just …' he struggled with figuring the words out 'I wanted to make sure you were ok. I haven't seen you all day and what with all the people …' he gestured wildly. His vocabulary had run out and now he resorted to sign language. Wasn't he sophisticated?

'Oh' Kurt's voice was small again, as if all emotions had drained out of him 'Why?'

'Why what?' Noah shook his head, Jeez this kid was confusing

'Why _haven't_  you come to gloat? You'd be right if you did' It wasn't what he said, Puck realised, many a girl had said similar things. But they were all looking for attention and sympathy. Kurt wasn't. The matter of fact  _way_ he said it, told Noah that he genuinely  _believed_ his words. It was the way he wouldn't meet his eye, as if his pride had been wounded by telling him a secret. And Puck didn't  _like_  seeing Kurt like that. As an official badass, he had never had to deal with all these feelings and stuff. But five minutes with this hurt boy just made him wish he were as good as Kurt usually was with words. He was sort of making it up as he went along here.

'No Kurt' he said gently 'I didn't come to gloat. Because you don't  _deserve_ it, you don't deserve  _any_ of this!' Kurt's face crumpled then and his bottom lip wobbled

'I do' he gasped, reaching his hands up to rake through his hair, almost pulling it out, it hurt. But that was good right? 'I deserve  _everything_. The only person who loves me now is my mom! And she's  _dead_!'

Even Noah's stone heart melted a little at the pitiful sight. He had never seen anyone in such pain before. Kurt let one hand drop, his manicured nails scraped his cheek as it did, drawing blood, but Kurt didn't mind. He kind of liked the pain. It stopped him from hurting inside.

'You don't know how many times I have been about to fall asleep and I've just  _wished_ that I'd never wake up. That's how I've gotten through the past few weeks. I keep promising myself that there won't be a tomorrow . . . but there always is! And it's always worse!' he dissolved into sobs once more. Noah was stunned. How could no one have noticed this? That Kurt was so broken he wanted to die? How could  _he_ not have noticed? I mean sure, he was hardly ever around the kid, but he was around Finn most of the time, he vaguely remembered him telling Puck that Kurt had mentioned Karofsky had stepped up the bullying. But then he had moved on to Rachel's boobs and Puck kinda tuned out.  _Been there, done that._

But now he noticed, and it was painfully obvious. Why hadn't he done anything then? He knew that leaving it to Finn would mean nothing happened. But then he hadn't cared. Why should he have? They weren't friends. Not by a long shot, Puck had been picking on the kid since third grade for gods sake! So why does he care now? He didn't know. And now wasn't the time to figure it out.

He caught Kurt's hand in his own, not knowing what else to do; wanting to show the boy that someone  _did_ care. Kurt's blue eyes shot to his, alarm flickered across his face and he froze, but he didn't pull away. He just stared at Noah, eyes wide, looking so much like his little sister did when his mom yelled at her that Noah wanted to pull the small boy into a hug. Instead he squeezed his hand gently, hoping to comfort. But Kurt's eyes just widened more. Noah sighed and ran a hand through his Mohawk again … he was doing that a lot lately, he noticed absent mindedly.

'Look Kurt,' he said softly, not averting his eyes as the younger teen stared at him 'I just want you to know that I care. You've been through Hell and no one.  _No one'_ he repeated forcefully, forcing Kurt's eyes back to his where they had dropped 'deserves it. You're stronger than this Kurt. You've been bullied all through high school and you still fight back! You  _deserve_ ' he stressed the word 'some respect' Even  _Puck_ respected the gay kid. He'd taken all of the shit but he always talked back, he never lost belief in himself, and Noah had liked that … until now. Until his father had stopped supporting him and just let him fall,  _more like pushed him_ Puck thought angrily. He needed a way to make Kurt feel better.  _Funny_ he thought  _I haven't even once thought of him as Hummel_. He hoped Kurt knew this song and joined in. It would be a perfect duet. Rachel and Finn your stardom is over,

**' _Hey, slow it down_**

** _Whataya want from me?_ **

** _Whataya want from me?'_ **

The smallest smile appeared on Kurt's face as he recognised the song. And the words he sung with truth.

' _Yeah, I'm afraid_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?'_

Noah let Kurt take the next bit. Glad that this song seemed to sum up pretty much everything Kurt felt at the moment

**' _There might have been a time, when I would give myself away_**

** _Oh, once upon a time, I didn't give a damn_ **

**But now'** They sung together ' **Here we are'**

' ** _So Whataya want from me?'_**

_'Whataya want from me?'_

Noah made sure Kurt was looking at him. He really wanted the message to sink in

' ** _Just don't give up, I am working it out_**

** _Please don't give in, I won't let you down'_ **

Kurt answered him

' _It messed me up, I need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around'_

**' _Hey, Whataya want from me?_**

_Whataya want from me?_

**Whataya want from me?'**

Kurt heard the song as if for the first time. Noah was trying to tell him to trust him. That he would help him through this . . . Why would he do that for him? He had already saved him once. Why did he feel obligated to help him?

' ** _Yeah, it's plain to see_**

**_That baby your beautiful, and it's nothing wrong with you '_ **

Noah almost faltered right there. He'd forgotten about that line. He glanced away from Kurt for a second.

There. Kurt saw it. The slight flicker of Puck's eyes on that line … So he mustn't believe it. What was that line again? His eyes widened briefly, before his stomach dropped through the bed.

' _It's me, I'm a freak, yeah_

_But thanks for loving me, 'cause you're doing it perfectly'_

_Oh dear …_  Noah thought  _bad idea_. He must've picked up on the resistance at the 'beautiful' part. He considered the brunette. His eyes fell back to the bed sheet and the smile was gone. He was  _pretty_  … in a completely girly way. Those long lashes and that slender frame would have made him drool if it wasn't … ya know …  _Kurt_. Noah Puckerman didn't often get embarrassed, but calling a gay guy beautiful (even though he kinda  _was_ ) was slightly awkward (in a totally non homophobic way)

Kurt was fighting tears once again, no matter what Puck said, he still  _thought_  that there was something wrong with him. The song was right. He  _was_ a freak.

' ** _Yeah, there might have been a time_**

** _When I would let you step away_ **

_I wouldn't even try_

_But I think you can save my life'_

_Maybe he could have done_ Kurt thought. If Noah had truly believed in him; he had almost been convinced when Puck showed him how he truly felt. And Kurt Hummel was once again wishing for there to not be a tomorrow.

' **Hey, Whataya want from me?**

_Whataya want from me?_

**_Whataya want from me?_ **

_Whataya want from me?_

**Whataya want from me?**

He'd really blown it now, Noah thought. He had a few more verses to convince Kurt that he was actually  _worth_ something

' _Just don't give up on me'_

Kurt almost pleaded. Even if he was just a freak in Puck's eyes, he still wanted his help … if he was willing to give it

' ** _I won't let you down_**

** _No I won't let you down'_ **

Noah promised. Just coz he thought the kid was pretty but  _didn't_ want to fuck him (he doubted that Kurt was the type you 'fuck') didn't mean he didn't want to make Kurt happy; or at least happier.

' ** _And so_   _just don't give up, I am working it out_**

** _Please don't give in, I won't let you down_ **

_It messed me up, I need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

** _Hey, Whataya want from me?_ **

** _Just don't give up, I am working it out_ **

** _Please don't give in, I won't let you down_ **

_It messed me up, I need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

_Hey, Whataya want from me?_

**_Whataya want from me?_ **

_Whataya want from me?_

_**Whataya want from me**?_

_Whataya want from me?_

**Whataya want from me?** _**'** _

'That was good Noah' Kurt said after a small pause 'the song suits you' Puck nodded, rubbing his neck. Noticing he still held Kurt's hand, he dropped it quickly. Kurt barely reacted. But his face closed, so Puck could no longer read him. This was more disconcerting than thinking him beautiful.

'Kurt?' Kurt glanced at him

'Yes?' he inquired formally

'Do you … do you believe me now?' Kurt nodded stiffly

'I believe you' he said bitterly. 'It's late Puck. You should sleep'

'Not until you tell me what's bugging you?' Ok, he knew it was cowardly, but he didn't want to be the first one to say it

'You don't want to spend any more time with a freak like me' Kurt said, this time it wasn't bitter or angry; it was just sad, as if he expected it. Noah almost smacked himself  _of course_  he thought, cursing his stupidity  _Kurt wasn't thinking about whether I thought he was_ pretty  _or not. He wanted to know whether I_ truly  _thought there was something wrong with him! Idiot!_

Noah looked into the cool gaze. He used to think that Hummel was such a bitch with that icy way of his; but looking closer, he saw the struggle in his eyes, as if he didn't quite know what to do next.

'Oh God' he said as an explanation, Kurt didn't react, simply stared at him coldly, as if he wasn't worth his time. And considering Kurt's current opinion of himself, made Puck feel about two inches big. Damn. Only his momma could  _ever_ make him feel this small and ashamed

'I'm sorry Kurt' he apologised sincerely 'I was thinking of something else'

'Oh?' said Kurt loftily, not convinced in the slightest 'care to enlighten me?'

Shit. If he told Kurt, then it would be awkward between them and possibly ruin the fragile tether they had formed, not to mention losing pretty much all of his rep in one sentence. If he didn't … then Kurt would think that he thought he was a freak … he couldn't win. But he knew which one would be less bad

'I thought you'd think I was calling you beautiful.' He gushed, saying it quickly, as if ripping off a band aid . . . Jeez, was he  _blushing?_ Was Noah Puckerman actually going  _red?_ ' Good thing it was dark, he hoped that Kurt couldn't see, even though he saw the mask crumble away, leaving a slack jawed Kurt, wide eyes, gaping mouth, an image that cut through the gloom. And silence.

'Oh' said Kurt eventually. Noah rubbed his neck again

'Yeah, so … anyway' he said 'you're right. It's late. I'd better …' he gestured to the door. Kurt just nodded, stunned. Puck stood, stepped a few paces to the door and then looked back, unable to resist. Kurt had snuggled down into the covers, eyes still wide open, watching him carefully, and at the same time, struggling to pull the sheets up to cover his neck without keeping his arms in the cold. Noah sighed, smiling slightly. He moved back over to the bed

'Arms in' Kurt did so, eyes not leaving his 'and under chin' he said, pulling the sheets up under the boys chin as he did so often with his sister. He even tapped his nose lightly, (Sarah didn't usually flinch) Kurt smiled at him, a new light dawning on his face

'You've done this before?' Noah nodded

'My sister' he replied.

'You have a sister?' he nodded again. Kurt looked so much like her at that moment, the shock of dark, fluffy hair, the huge eyes, and the cute little half smile. So he did it almost without thinking. He leaned forward and kissed Kurt softly on his forehead.

'Goodnight Kurt' he whispered

Then he stood up and smiled at him before leaving the room.

If he had checked back ten minutes later, he would have found Kurt in exactly the same position; only with his hand peeping out at the top of the sheet, touching the spot that the older teen's lips had been. If had stayed for another two, then he would have heard a breath that turned into a slight whisper as Kurt closed his eyes and turned on his side

'Goodnight Noah'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?  
> Song: Whattaya Want From Me - Adam Lambert  
> Any and all opinions welcome :D  
> Let me know  
> Love Tibbins xx


	7. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter for you :)  
> This one may have triggers on self-harm so you're warned  
> I don't own any characters or anything  
> This one is dedicated to both jasondragon64 (because this is the second time he's reading it) and ChirpingEmu (because she likes the songs)  
> So thanks for your continued support guys ^.^ your comments make my day  
> Enjoy :D

Going home the next day was an awkward affair. There wasn't enough room in the truck for all of them, so Burt called Carole who came to pick up Finn and Puck and drop them off at school while Burt drove Kurt home. Kurt asked to be taken to school with the others but he didn't push the point when Burt insisted he needed to rest. He didn't really want to go to school. But he didn't want to be alone with his dad either. He was still confused about everything. He knew that his dad cared. He  _knew_ that … didn't he? He had never before had cause to doubt him, so why did he now? And  _Puck_!Don't even get Kurt started on Puck. He had  _no_ idea what the Mohawked teen was thinking and was trying to ignore the squirming in his stomach when he thought about last night by  _not_ thinking about it. But he was glad that Puck seemed to understand … at least a little. And he couldn't help but smile at the irony

'What's funny?' Burt asked lightly, glancing over at Kurt and seeing a small smirk on his lips. He kept a jovial tone, in an attempt to break the tension almost visibly oozing from his son; his posture was rigid and his eyes were fixed straight ahead. As soon as he spoke, the smile was gone and the tension increased tenfold.

'Nothing' Kurt said quickly. Burt sighed

'Look Kurt' he said gently 'When we get home, I'd like to talk to you before you disappear to your room if that's ok?'

'Sure dad' he was obviously reluctant. But at least he had agreed.

When they got there, Kurt lingered uncertainly by the kitchen door. He looked like he was in a strange house, not in the home he had been raised in.

'Sit down Kurt' Burt pulled out a chair and Kurt perched gingerly on the seat opposite.

'Look Kurt.' He began, getting straight to the point 'I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.' He paused, gauging his sons reaction to the apology, Kurt just looked at him warily, head slightly cocked to the side. 'I am so sorry for what I said that I can't even tell you how much …' he trailed off slightly, overcome with guilt 'I should  _never_ have said those things to you. I was angry and I was wrong. And I need you to know that …' he took a deep breath, putting his heart on the line 'you are  _everything_ to me Kurt. You mean more to me than  _anyone_. And your mom would be so  _ashamed_ of me for forgetting that for a single second.' He choked back the ball of emotion in his throat 'I love you Kurt. You are my  _son_  and I love you so damn much! I love you for being  _you,_ and for not letting anyone else affect that. And I  _hate_ myself for hurting you the way I did, and it's my fault you were at the school when you were and when  _they_ were' his expression darkened 'And I'm just so sorry. What I did was unforgivable, and I know it won't be easy but I hope that one day, you could trust me again.' Burt stopped, biting his lip as he looked at his son, a purple bruise on his left cheek and dark circles under his piercing eyes. His clothes seemed to hang off his thin frame, his jeans not as tight as they once were. When had Kurt stopped eating? He'd barely noticed. He'd been so concerned with the pain in his son's eyes that he hadn't looked at the rest of him. Burt bowed his head  _I am a terrible father_  he thought.

Kurt inclined his head once

'I'm sorry too' he said, then he stood and left before his father could see him cry.

_XXX_

Carole and Finn came in a few minutes later to find Burt still at the kitchen table, fingers interlocked under his chin, eyes bright with unshed tears. Finn fumbled awkwardly and almost ran to the bathroom. Carole sat down opposite her husband and waited for him to speak first.

'I've lost him Carole' Burt began hoarsely. A tear escaped and he sounded so dejected that Carole had to fight the urge to hug him; he needed to talk first 'You should have seen the way he came in here. It was like he was a stranger, and he didn't speak! He just shut me out. I can't bear that I've hurt him so badly' he buried his face in his hands and began to sob. 'What kind of a father am I?' Carole looked at him pityingly. It was time to step in; she got up and placed her hand on Burt's shoulder

'One who has made mistakes' she said diplomatically 'I'm not going to stand here and tell you that everything will be ok and that you aren't to blame because I'm not going to lie to you. You did a stupid thing Burt. You _know_  how fragile Kurt is and you hit him in his weakest spot. You know how he feels that his sexuality distances him from you. And the other day you made that gap wider.' She paused, letting it sink in 'Kurt is a wonderful boy, and a beautiful person and he idolised you. He  _loves_ you Burt, just as much as you love him. But you need to make it up to him  _big_ time because you screwed up and he doesn't deserve that. After everything he's been through.' Burt looked up at his wife as if through a wall of mist. She was right. He was in the wrong and he had to do something to make it right again.

'You might have lost him Burt' she continued despite Burt's flinch 'but don't you  _dare_  give up on him.' With that she left him alone to think.

Kurt sat despondently at his vanity listening to the end of Carole's outburst. His face was in his hands. His father still loved him. He  _knew_ that. So he could forgive him just like that right? No. Even though he wanted to he could no longer view his father in the same way he always had. Burt had hurt him where he felt it most. Not even the vicious beating afterwards had been worse than his fathers' angry words. He had deserved the pain … right? It had made him feel a bit better. Hadn't it? Experimentally, Kurt found a bruise on his arm and pressed it. It hurt, but it was distracting. It stopped him thinking. He pressed a little more and smiled grimly.  _Life is too complicated_  he thought  _might as well distract myself from it as best I can._

He just wanted the simplicity back; he wanted to be able to love his father again, he wanted to feel that his father loved him. He wanted Finn to be his brother and he wanted Carole to be his step mum, and he wanted to be a family.

But only Puck seemed to understand that.

He wanted Noah too.

_XXX_

Puck lay in bed, thinking of Kurt. He could see how fragile the boy was, and he felt uncomfortable not being there. When Carole had dropped him off, she had gently told him that he'd be welcome if he wanted to come over, but that Burt and Kurt needed a talk first. They would have had that talk by now, right? He decided to send a text. But then he remembered that he didn't have Kurt's number, why would he? They had barely spoken before all of this. So he text Finn instead

_How's Kurt?_

It took ten minutes for the quarterback to reply, by which time Puck was pacing

 _Dunno dude, he's in his room. Burt was crying b4._ Puck rolled his eyes

 _Go check on him._ It was another ten minutes.

_He told me to go away, he's in the bathroom._

'Shit' said Puck, grabbing his jacket. He couldn't rely on Finn to help Kurt. 'If you want something done…'

_XXX_

'Go away Finn!' Kurt yelled from the bathroom. He was kneeling on the cold tiles, staring at the silver object in his hand. The razor blade glistened prettily in the stark light. He moved it around his palm, as though examining it from every angle. He had established that pain was good; he pressed on his bruise again to make sure, yes. So this would be good too.  _But won't this just make me another self harmer?_

'Good' he answered himself quietly  _I don't want to be original any more._

He dragged the razor blade gently across his skin and shivered. He hadn't applied any pressure so blood wasn't drawn.  _Should he?_

Maybe.

' _Spend all your time waiting_

_For that second chance_

_For a break that would make it okay'_

He sang softly. He just wanted to feel okay again. He wanted … he wanted too much. He bowed his head and continued

' _There's always some reason_

_To feel not good enough_

_And it's hard at the end of the day'_

He wished he could be good enough again, good enough for his father and for Noah and for everyone. He placed the blade flat on his wrist

' _I need some distraction_

_Oh beautiful release_

_Memories seep from my veins'_

God he needed this. He  _wanted_ this . . . didn't he? He was so confused. He raked a hand through his hair; was it too late? Could he do this?

' _Let me be empty_

_Oh and weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight'_

If he could just empty himself enough so he would sleep … he might have nice dreams. Kurt liked dreams, especially ones that stayed all night. The only problem was waking up. If he did then he would forget his dream, but if he didn't … then his family would be sad. Kurt didn't want them to be sad. He'd made his dad cry already. Kurt felt like he was six years old again and his daddy was crying. Kurt didn't understand. He'd never seen daddy cry before, mommy usually made him happy, he was hugging her, why wasn't he happy? Had Kurt made him sad? He hadn't meant to… Kurt shook himself  _get out of that place_!

' _In the arms of the angel_

_Fly away from here'_

What if he slept and he didn't dream? What if he made everyone sad and he wasn't happy either? But Kurt didn't deserve to be happy … right?

_From this dark, cold bathroom_

_And the endlessness that you fear.'_

Kurt ignored the knocking on the door, concentrating on the way the blade looked on his pale skin. Red would go perfectly, with the silver and white, maybe he could just … There. Beautiful.

' _You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here'_

He wished he had someone that would hold him like the person in the song. Despite his pain and inner turmoil and confusion, Kurt wanted to be saved.

' _So tired of the straight line_

_And everywhere you turn_

_There's vultures and thieves at your back'_

Kurt picked up the blade, still ignoring the pounding at the door. There was shouting now, but he couldn't make it out. He was lost in the glittering beauty and the pureness of the song

' _The storm keeps on twisting_

_Keep on building the lies_

_That you make up for all that you lack'_

He brought the silver to his wrist again, point down, and he began to stroke it across his skin; it almost tickled. He didn't want to lie anymore. He pressed it a little harder. Maybe in emptying himself, he would become whole again.

' _It don't make no difference_

_Escaping one last time'_

Puck would be so disappointed in him. Kurt screwed his eyes shut for a second. Then he blinked back his tears. He'd shed too many already.

' _It's easier to believe_

_In this sweet madness_

_Oh glorious sadness_

_That brings me to my knees'_

Would he rather be numb? Or would he rather hurt? Maybe neither would be a good thing … maybe they both would. Could one bring on another? The shouting was getting louder now. Kurt couldn't concentrate.

' _In the arms of the angel_

_Fly away from here_

_From this dark, cold bathroom_

_And the endlessness that you fear'_

The door was beginning to give Kurt a headache. He glanced towards it, coming out of his trance, his wide eyes on the door. Someone was out there. Someone was trying to get in. If they found him like this … He looked back to the silver blade.

' _You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here'_

Kurt stood. Letting the blade fall to the flood with a clatter, he pulled his sleeves down hurriedly and faced the door, backing into the sink; the door was being rammed into now

'Kurt, answer me!' It was Noah! Kurt hadn't expected that. The blade! He bent to scoop it up. But what to do with it? So he sang the last of the song, at least he'd have finished  _something_.

' _You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here'_

The door burst open. Surprisingly quietly, it seems that Noah hadn't broken the door. Just the lock. But Kurt flinched anyway as Puck barrelled into the room, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him,

'Why didn't you answer me? Are you alright? What happened? Why are you in here? Kurt!'

He was so pale. Noah thought, almost as if all his blood had gone … He was just standing there, huge eyes glassy, as if he didn't comprehend what was happening. Then Puck saw the glint in Kurt's limp hand, and lost control

'Kurt!' he yelled, ignoring the way he tried to cower away from him, 'Show me, Now!' he grabbed his arm and yanked the sleeve up. Nothing, he took the other, only a faint red mark. No blood. Noah breathed again and enveloped the boy in his arms.

'I thought … I thought you'd …' he couldn't finish. He could only feel Kurt come apart into his chest. He began to shake.

'Shhhhh' said Noah gently, stroking his hair, they both sank to the floor of the bathroom, where Kurt had been before 'It's okay Kurt. It's okay, you're going to be okay'

_I hope._

Puck refused to let his own tears of relief fall. He forced them back and concentrated on the sobbing, broken boy in his arms. He held him tighter, telling himself what he was telling Kurt

'You're okay'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? Opinions please  
> Comments are love and make me update faster ;)  
> Love Tibbins xx


	8. Whatever It Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next chapter :)  
> BTW the song for the last chapter was Angel- Sarah Mclachlan   
> This one is dedicated to shadowpsykie because I'm sorry I upset you :( and no, I haven't read Bait  
> Enjoy ^.^

Kurt eventually fell asleep against Noah. The physical and mental toll on him must have been overwhelming. Noah didn't move; he just sat there, rocking slowly, his face buried in the younger boys' hair. It smelt like Lilac and passion fruit. Odd combination, but it worked. A bit like Kurt really.

Noah was still in the stage of assuring himself that Kurt was actually there. When he had seen Kurt standing there, razor blade in hand, he had panicked, big time. Thank God he hadn't … He didn't know what he would've done if Kurt had cut. He would've freaked and been useless he supposed.

Kurt shuffled closer into his chest, making Puck glance down. A soft smile appeared on his face; he looked so peaceful. As gently as he could, he lifted the boy up; he needed to get him to bed. No point in staying on the bathroom floor. Kurt snuffled in his sleep, and his fists closed on Noah's shirt. Puck lowered him onto the bed, trying not to move him, he went to leave. But was pulled back as Kurt' grip on his shirt tightened. He found himself almost nose to nose with the countertenor. Slightly startled, he drew back to a more appropriate distance and studied Kurt. The peace of earlier was gone, replaced by a small frown. Puck glanced around before sliding onto the bed next to him; arms instinctively encircling the boy. The bed wasn't big enough to give them both a lot of room and it wouldn't be good if Kurt fell out. At least, that was his reasoning … Kurt felt nice in his arms. He felt powerful, like he was guarding something precious, and keeping it safe.

After about ten minutes, Burt came in to check on Kurt, they hadn't moved in that time. Noah glanced up and put a finger to his lips when he saw Burt, who nodded, slightly taken aback. He studied his son, and noticed the tear tracks

'Is he ok?' he whispered 'What happened'

'I found him in the bathroom' Puck mouthed back 'He had a razor blade' Burt's face drained of colour

'Did he …?' Noah shook his head and Burt breathed out

'I don't think he could' He looked back at Kurt tenderly; a look that Burt didn't miss but didn't comment on.

'I'll make this right.' He promised the teen. 'I'm gonna get my son back.'

Noah said nothing. They were silent for a while as they both contemplated the sleeping form. And then Burt motioned for Puck to come upstairs. Noah did so with difficulty. He almost woke Kurt up by prying his hands off his shirt. He watched as Burt tucked the boy in and planted a kiss on his forehead before following him into the kitchen.

'So' said Burt, placing a mug of hot chocolate in front of Noah 'Will you help me?'

The jock took a sip and nodded. He could see the torment that Burt was feeling, and he knew that Kurt needed his dad.

'But I don't know how' he said practically. 'I don't think Kurt needs any more pressure on him so you can't just beg. Don't do anything rash' Burt snorted

'Says the guy who nailed all our lawn furniture to the roof' Puck glanced up, panicked, until he saw the smirk on Burt's face. 'Kurt told me ages ago. It's ok. I'm not gonna press charges' he winked. 'But you are right. So how _do_ I go about it?'

Noah shrugged and they both drank their hot chocolate while they thought.

'If you have an argument normally, then how do you make it up to him?' Burt thought

'Take him to a fashion show or a musical or something.'

'Do that.' He suggested 'But on a bigger scale. Dedicate a week to Kurt's happiness. Take him for picnics and fashion stuff and theatres.' Burt waved a hand.

'He's  _been_ to everything. It won't be special.' Silence fell again. And then Burt snapped his fingers

'New York!' he exclaimed. 'He loved it there, but didn't get a proper chance to explore. We could go for a week and I'll do anything and everything that he wants.'

'Won't be much fun for you' grinned Puck, knowing that the idea was a good one

'To see him smile again, it'll be worth the hotel room service bills and inevitable makeover' Burt smiled back. 'I've got some money put away.' But then it faded. 'But what if he doesn't want to go? What if he doesn't want to spend that much time with me?' Noah cocked his head to the side

'Leave that with me' he said 'I'll talk to him. But when you ask him, you have to talk in his language' Burt frowned

'What do you mean?'

'I mean you have to sing it to him' Puck drained his cup and stood 'I'd better go'

As Noah shut the door behind him, he hoped that he advised Burt in a way that would help him get through to Kurt. Before all this, father and son had been so close, and it wasn't nice to see them both hurting from the separation. Puck knew what that was like, and he didn't want that for Kurt, who had already lost his mother.

_XXX_

When Kurt woke up, the first thing he noticed was the smell of honey and lemon pancakes wafting into his room; his favourite. He dressed and moisturised before going upstairs. It just felt odd being around Burt in his dressing gown now. (As if he owned a pair of sweatpants to mooch around the house in, how could Finn  _wear_ those?).

When he got to the kitchen, he saw his father at the stove. With a quirk of his eyebrow, he eyed the sticky batter currently on the ceiling, and the blackened lumps on a plate. Burt swore and scraped another crust onto the plate from the pan. He poured in some more batter and got ready to flip it. Kurt watched in amusement, knowing how this one was going to end up.

SPLAT! Yep, that one joined the other on the ceiling. Burt swore again, looking up and scratching his head when he heard a cough. He looked around to see his son leaning on the doorframe, a small smirk on his face, and Burt's heart lifted.

'Morning Kurt' he greeted sheepishly 'I was making pancakes.'

'Really?' Kurt said in mock surprise 'You looked like you were playing badminton with that last one' he glanced up 'at least the ceiling will eat well.' His voice was less cold than it had been, and Burt felt hope. He chuckled awkwardly, looking up too

'Yeah' he said 'You know I've never been a chef. But I know these are your favourite so…' He turned away to pour more batter into the pan. Kurt let it sizzle for a minute, and then went in to rescue it from a fate on the ceiling

'Here, let me' he said, taking the pan handle from Burt. He flipped the pancake easily and then slid it onto a plate, making about seven more in quick succession. Burt had had five failed attempts, that had taken him about an hour …  _which may be why they burned_ , he considered as an afterthought.

Kurt piled two plates full of pancakes and then doused one of them in maple syrup; he slid that one over to Burt, and then tucked into his own.

When they were both finished Kurt stood up to take the plates to the sink, but Burt beat him to it. Kurt smiled tentatively as Burt carried them over.

That was when the batter stuck on the roof decided to obey gravity. Burt cried out in shock as the sticky gloop landed on his head. Kurt spun around at his father's exclamation and then gaped.

Burt Hummel was standing there, batter dripping into his eyes and over his ears and down his shirt. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Kurt let out a giggle, and then a chuckle, that evolved into fully fledged laughter, he doubled up in mirth at the bewilderment on his father's batter covered face. Burt soon joined in, followed by Finn who had smelt the food from upstairs. Carole just smiled knowingly in the doorway, before ushering Finn out.

Eventually, the laughter died away, slowly, with the occasional hiccup. When even that disappeared, they were left with a ringing silence. Then Kurt grabbed a tea towel for Burt, wet it, and started dabbing at his shirt, trying to get the batter out. Burt took another one for his face. When they were both satisfied they stood awkwardly in front of each other.

'Thanks Kurt' Burt said jovially, clapping his son on the shoulder. Glad that although he tensed, he didn't shrug him off.

Right at that moment he knew was the time to ask. And he knew exactly the song. Kurt looked surprised as Burt began to sing. He didn't hear it very often.

' _A strangled smile fell from your face_

_It kills me that I hurt you this way_

_The worst part is I didn't even know'_

Kurt's huge eyes met his own for the first time in over a week. He had missed that, he realised, that connection to his son that had been buried. He just hoped that he could dig it out again

' _Now there's a million reasons for you to go_

_But if you can find a reason to stay'_

He had hurt his boy. He had been homophobic and tactless and selfish. He hoped that taking Kurt to New York might stop him from slipping away

' _I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down'_

Oh God had he let his son down. He had been the worst possible father. Kurt had gone to  _hospital_ because of him. His entire wellbeing was at stake. Both his and Burt's, because Burt felt so deeply for his son that he felt Kurt's pain as Kurt did. The kind of pain that no boy should experience at the hand of his father.

' _And if you give me a chance_

_Believe it I can change_

_I'll keep us together_

_Whatever it takes'_

He would cross the Earth if Kurt wanted him to. No amount of money he would inevitably spend in New York would even be close to the riches of getting his son back.

' _She said "If we're gonna make this work_

_You gotta let me inside, even though it hurts"_

He wished that Kurt would. But if he wouldn't let Burt in, how about that Puck kid? He obviously cared for Kurt, a little more than he was entirely comfortable with but if he could help ... then Burt wasn't going to threaten him with his shotgun.

' _Don't hide the parts I need to see_

_She said "like it or not, it's the way it's gotta be_

_You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"'_

Ironically, Beth had said those things to him. And to Kurt, he recalled. When someone had thrown his favourite hat in the mud and he came home and wouldn't tell them what had happened, Beth had taken a crying Kurt onto her lap and told him to let her in, even though it might hurt; because it was the only way to make the hurt go away.

' _I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And give me a break_

_I'll keep us together_

_I know you deserve much better'_

But he was the only father Kurt was going to get. He wished that he were better. He wished he was like Beth. She always knew the right thing to do.

As he stared into his boy's vulnerable eyes, he knew that this last bit of the song was the most important, and he wanted - no -  _needed_  Kurt to understand the message.

' _Remember the time I told you the way I felt_

_And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself'_

Because he  _was_ lost without Kurt. He couldn't even cook pancakes. It had always been those two against the world. Looking out for each other. And if there was even the smallest chance of getting that back, then he would take it. He  _needed_ Kurt the way that Kurt needed a new scarf every 18 days (of course he kept track).

' _Let's hold onto each other above everything else_

_Start over, start over'_

He was well aware that he was begging now. Kurt was just blinking at him, probably waiting until he finished to say anything.

' _I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down'_

' _And if you give me a chance_

_Believe it I can change_

_I'll keep us together_

_Whatever it takes'_

He finished and bit his lip. Kurt still didn't speak. They were silent for a long time.

'Ok'

'What?' Burt was confused

'Ok, we can start over.' His voice was wavering. He swallowed and then flung his arms around his father's neck, unable to hold back anymore, sobbing into his shoulder he wanted his  _dad_  'I've missed you daddy'

Burt's arms drew Kurt into a hug. One hand stroking his hair. Burt was crying too, but silently.

'I've missed you too Kurt.' He whispered back 'I love you son.'

'I love you too dad'

A few minutes later they broke apart. Kurt wiped his eyes but Burt let his tear tracks show. He wanted his son to  _see_  how much he cared.

'I'm gonna take you to New York Kurt.' Burt said, watching as Kurt's entire being lit up

'Really?' His eyes were shining in a way he hadn't seen in far too long. Burt nodded

'For a week. We're gonna go to fashion shows and Tiffanies, and musicals and order room service and go for picnics and do whatever  _you_ want to do.  _If_ you want to come of course' he grinned Kurt clapped his hands and bounced up and down in sheer  _joy,_ and that expression to Burt, was  _priceless_.

Kurt hugged his father again

'Thank you' he cried 'thank you so much!'

Burt smiled back at his son. Wanting Kurt to be this happy forever. He knew that complete forgiveness would take time. But he knew that he was definitely on his way to earning it back, and he was certainly willing to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go :)  
> The song is Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse (great band)  
> Hope you liked it :)  
> Please let me know if I've made any mistakes or even if you just hate it :P  
> Love Tibbins xx


	9. Circle of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, without underlines working I had to get creative with the song seeing as there are three people  
> KURT IS ITALICS  
> PUCK IS BOLD ITALICS  
> BURT IS BOLD  
> TOGETHER IS MARKED WITH " "  
> So here you go, another chapter :)  
> Dedicated to jasondragon 64 :D  
> Enjoy ^.^

Later on, in his room Kurt fumbled for his cell before remembering that he had never had Pucks number. So he went to find Finn. He was worried about the alone time with his father. But he didn't want to hurt Burt's feelings and tell him so. Maybe he could convince Burt to invite Noah to New York with them; that way he would be able to alternate his time, going to Noah when he felt overwhelmed with his father. He felt guilty about this plan; after all, Puck might not even  _want_ to go. But he thought he might as well try.

'Hey Kurt' Finn greeted his brother as Kurt knocked primly before stepping into the room

'Hi Finn'

''Sup?' Kurt stood awkwardly, looking at Finn's chest rather than his face, he could feel himself blushing

'I was wondering what Puck's number was' he said quickly, and Finn being Finn, he reeled off the number before asking him why he wanted it.

'Err …' he stalled 'because …'

'Boys! Dinner's ready' Carole called and Kurt sighed in relief as Finn bounded out of the room like a Labrador, without waiting for Kurt's non existent excuse. A minute later Kurt was on his bed, legs tucked up underneath him and he shakily dialled the number.

'If this is a prank call, I'm hanging up' Kurt grinned in spite of himself

'No Noah, it's me'

'Kurt? You okay man?'

'Yeah…' there was a pause

'You're lying'

'How did you know?' Kurt could almost see him shrug

'You called me, dude. So what's up?' Kurt bit back a retort about the sky and opted for the truth

'My dad's taking me to New York for a week.' He said, monotone. He wished he was as excited as he had been earlier. He wished he could appreciate the fact that his father was obviously  _trying_.

'And that's a bad thing?' Noah asked sounding confused 'I thought you loved it there!'

'I did' Kurt assured him, embarrassed that he was being so ungrateful 'and it isn't … not really. I think I'm overreacting. You know what, never mind, sorry I called you'

'No Kurt, wait!' Noah said quickly, Kurt stopped, biting his lip 'tell me what the problem is.'

'I don't really know' Kurt said honestly. 'I just … It's gonna be a whole week, just me and him. What if I just need some alone time you know? Or what if he realises that he doesn't want me anymore and gets bored of me and kicks me out? I'll have nowhere to go.' Kurt was getting faster and faster as his worries tumbled out of his mouth

'Kurt, breathe' said Noah's calm voice on the other end of the line 'Look, you know that your dad isn't going to kick you out. But if you need some time away then just call me ok? I've always got my cell on if you wanna talk.'

'It won't be the same' Kurt said dejectedly 'what if I need a hug?' Noah bit back a chuckle, but allowed himself a grin that Kurt couldn't see.

'Well, why don't you ask your dad if you could invite a friend too?' he asked. He knew that Burt wouldn't mind if it made his son feel better but thought he had better warn him after this conversation all the same.

'Yeah, that might work' Kurt said. Then he bit his lip again

'Kurt? You still there?'

'Yeah'

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing'

'Talk dude'

'Um…' Kurt said shyly, unsure of how to phrase the question 'If my dad agrees then could … could  _you_ come with me?'

Noah wasn't allowed time to reply though as Kurt's even higher than normal voice cut in 'It's ok if you don't want to, I completely understand, I mean why would you want to come? It's fine, never mind, I'll ask someone else …'

'Kurt!' Kurt stopped, mid breath 'I'd love to come'

'Really?'

'Yes'

'Yay!' and the line went dead

Noah shook his head fondly at the cell, in truth, he was really touched. He had never considered himself to be a friend of the only out gay kid in school. In fact if you had asked him a month ago he would have said that he hated the prissy, stuck up, ice bitch Hummel. But he would have been lying. He hid the respect he held for the guy. He had only seen the boy cry for his father. That time when Burt was in the hospital and when he had married Carole. But he never cried for the jocks, as so many others did. He always acted like the jocks weren't good enough for his tears, and although Puck had chucked him in the dumpster for even suggesting as much, he couldn't help but form a grudging respect for the boy who seemed to care more about his clothes than the humiliation, and so seemed less humiliated as a result. But now? He had seen the Kurt Hummel that nobody else at school saw. A fragile little boy who broke a little more every day but refused to let it show, strong willed and stubborn, the only person that could break him down was his father; his one weakness. So now, yes; Noah was proud that this amazing boy thought of him as a friend. But if anyone pointed it out then he would punch them. In the face.

_XXX_

'You want  _Puck_  to come with us?' Burt clarified, astonished. He watched as Kurt bit his lip and nodded. Burt's stomach dropped, he was disappointed. He had hoped that some time  _alone_ with his son would help them to bond again, and get over this. Having another boy tagging along would change things … and come on … this was  _Puck!_ The boy who hurled pee balloons and abuse and nailed furniture to roofs and chucked Kurt in the dumpster every morning. Or … used to at least. Sure, the kid had been good to Kurt lately, calling the hospital, staying with him, singing him to sleep and whatever, but he was a  _boy_ … a  _handsome_ boy … and Kurt  _liked_ them … he seemed to like Puck a  _lot_ ; he had always seemed more comfortable with girls, so if Kurt was going to ask anyone else he would have assumed Mercedes, or even Tina and Burt would have agreed like a shot. But _Puck_?

Burt prided himself on being an over protective father. There was  _nothing_ he wouldn't do for his son. He was perfectly willing to create and bury bodies if anyone caused his son pain (he felt like there was a stone in his heart at the thought that  _he_ had done exactly that) but allowing Kurt to get …  _close_ to another boy made his fingers itch for his shotgun. And Puck wasn't just  _any_ boy. He'd heard about the 'pool cleaning' business and the stint in juvie. The kid was a delinquent, and as far as Burt could tell, straight. He didn't want to go through the Finn thing again. He had been so angry at the lanky teen for being so insensitive to Kurt's feelings. He still watched Finn closely for any sign of regression back into his homophobic ways. And Puck was so much …  _harsher_  than Carole's dopey son. But Puck didn't seem to  _mind_ physical closeness to Kurt. Even Finn would reserve contact to a pat on the shoulder or the occasional quick hug, but Puck seemed to be comfortable with  _more_ than that … Oh dear God! He hoped that Puck was not enticing his son to re-enact the  _pamphlets_.

Then Burt made the mistake of looking into his son's eyes, they were wide and innocent, eyes that made you melt, eyes that made you think you were going blind from sheer cuteness . . . eyes that could  _control_  you.

'Sure thing Kurt' Burt relented. He coughed, hoping to regain some of his masculinity. Damn Kurt and those huge, adorable eyes. A smile that seemed too wide for his face appeared and Kurt squeaked with joy. 'I'm going to pack!' he called, leaving his father incredulous

'But we aren't leaving until Sunday, we have three days Kurt!' Kurt just shook his head pityingly at his fathers' apparent cluelessness and disappeared to text Noah that everything was cleared with his dad, and to spend the next two and a half days debating on which outfits to take with him.

_XXX_

They picked Noah up on the way to the airport. They had difficulty squeezing his case into the trunk . . . Kurt had not held back. He had packed at least three outfits for every day saying that it 'depended on his mood' and which outfit was appropriate for what they were doing. Burt just shook his head and didn't comment; knowing that his lack of interest in clothes was  _not_ something to be pointed out to his son. As Noah slid into the back seat next to Kurt, he broke the uncomfortable silence

'Jeez Kurt' he said, jerking his thumb at the trunk 'Is that your entire wardrobe back there?'

'Of course not!' Kurt looked scandalised 'They are minimum requirements!'

'Anyone would think you were moving house, not going on holiday' Puck teased, rubbing his Mohawk, confused at the possibility of  _needing_ that many clothes

'You have much to learn Noah' Kurt replied loftily, a small smirk on his face. Noah just shook his bewildered head and Kurt rolled his eyes at such ignorance to fashion. Then there was silence in the car. Noah didn't really like the silence. Kurt seemed to be wilting in it, maybe he wasn't used to being silent around his father. The two used to be so close. Maybe they chatted and Kurt sung and Burt laughed and told him he was brilliant.

A song! Anything! Just something to break the damn silence! Words suddenly came to him, and he couldn't have been more embarrassed

' ** _From the day we arrive on the planet_**

_**And blinking step into the sun** '_

Oh dear Jewish Lord … Did he have to come out with the Lion King of all things? Sarah had practically blackmailed him into watching it. Still maybe it was fitting; it was all about father son issues and stuff … not that Puck would know of course. He didn't watch it more than once ... and he didn't sing along ... and if Sarah ever told anyone any different then she would be locked in the cupboard under the stairs Harry Potter style. Kurt blinked and looked over at him, head cocked in confusion, a slight smile on his face, so now Noah had no choice to continue, he opened his mouth but Kurt beat him to it

' _There's more to see than can ever be seen_

_More to do than can ever be done'_

Kurt grinned at him, and threw a wink his way, Noah felt himself flush. Burt saw this in the rear view mirror and scowled slightly as a reflex, then he grinned and his voice joined the other two

' **There's far too much to take in here**

**More to find than can ever be found'**

He saw Kurt beam at him and knew that even if he sounded like gravel in a blender, it made Kurt happy to hear him sing

' _But the sun rolling high_

_Through the sapphire sky_

_Keeps great and small_

_On the endless round_

_**It's the circle of life'** _

They all sang together

" **And it moves us all**

_**Through despair and hope** _

_**Through faith and love** _

_**Till we find our place** _

_**On the path unwinding** _

_**In the circle** _

_**The circle of life"** _

_Wow_ thought Noah  _maybe this song_ is  _strangely appropriate_ Kurt took the next line and then looked pointedly at Noah

' _Some of us fall by the wayside_

**_And some of us soar to the stars_ **

**And some of us sail through out troubles**

_And some have to live with the scars'_

Kurt almost faltered, and Noah glanced at him worriedly, he shook his head. This song was perfect. He just had to get through it, and maybe he could believe again

' _ **There's far too much to take in here**_

_**More to find than can ever be found** _

_But the sun rolling high_

_Through the sapphire sky_

**_Keeps great and small_ **

**_On the endless round_ **

_**"It's the circle of life** _

_**And it moves us all** _

_**Through despair and hope** _

_**Through faith and love** _

_**Till we find our place** _

_**On the path unwinding** _

_**In the circle** _

_**The circle of life"** _

They ended the last note with a flourish and then dissolved into laughter together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?  
> Song is obviously the Circle of Life from The Lion King  
> Let me know any opinions you may have ^.^  
> Commentors will receive free cookies!  
> Love Tibbins xx


	10. Just a Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end now :P Only one more chapter to go xD  
> This one is dedicated to shadowpsykie   
> jasondragon64: I know what you mean, I didn't notice myself until after I'd written it, but of course it was all deliberate ;)  
> ITALICS - KURT  
> BOLD ITALICS - PUCK  
> BOLD - TOGETHER  
> Enjoy ^.^

The airport was predictably boring. Hours of security checks and waiting around, eventually they got on the plane. Kurt couldn't help but notice that Noah had been strangely quiet since their gate opened. He took his seat with an expression that made Kurt compare it to one heading for the gallows. Kurt slid in beside him, glad that he was in between Noah and his father. Burt didn't seem to be paying attention so Kurt reached up and touched his arm, Noah jumped.

'Are you okay Noah?' Kurt asked worriedly. Puck gave a half smile and nodded, going back to staring out the window. Kurt drew back when the safety demonstration started, but noticed how Noah was paying rapt attention, probably more than he ever did in class, to the stewardess with the inflatable life jacket around her neck. When she finished, and the plane started to move, Kurt saw that Noah was shaking, hands clenched on the armrests and Kurt finally knew what was troubling him

'You don't like flying' It was a statement, not a question, and Noah met Kurt's eyes before turning away, ashamed of admitting a fear, a weakness.

'It's ok' Kurt said soothingly 'I'm scared of snakes' Noah glanced down at Kurt, his shy smile and felt that he should reveal something of his own

'It's only taking offs and landings I don't like' he admitted 'When we're in the air I'll be fine . . . as long as there isn't any turbulence' He grinned down at Kurt, who seemed to be struggling with something. Glancing at his dad who seemed absorbed in his sport magazine, he looked back up at Noah and placed his pale hand over Noah's tanned one. Almost amazed when Puck didn't immediately flinch away, he just sat there, head cocked slightly, keeping eye contact with the younger teen, and waiting.

'You can squeeze my hand as we take off … if you like. It might help' Puck just smiled at him and gently extracted his hand from under Kurts, ignoring the small stab of guilt as some of the light dimmed in his eyes and turned back to the window with an 'I'll be fine'.

Kurt sat back. He  _knew_ that Noah hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. So he didn't let that setback daunt him. He left his hand on the armrest just in case. This wasn't about him.

The airplane picked up speed, Noah flinched at the roar; he really hated planes. Almost on reflex, his hand went down to the armrest and clenched on the other hand already in place there. He looked over at Kurt, who smiled up at him and winked. Noah gave a pained smile in response, knowing he'd been tricked but too freaked out by the plane taking off and his stomach going haywire and his ears popping to care. He kept his hand clasped on Kurt's until the plane steadied out, and he could breathe easier. Then he noticed the slight wince on Kurts face, and realising that he must have gripped tighter than he should have immediately let go. Kurt flexed his fingers grimacing. But he didn't look angry

'Sorry' Noah said shortly, upset that he had hurt the porcelain skinned boy

'It's fine' Kurt said placing his hand back in his lap 'did it help?'

'Yeah' Noah said. Surprisingly it had. He had felt  _much_ worse on the plane back from Nationals, and had even gone to the bathroom to throw up. He had liked the warmth of Kurt's hand in his, it stopped him feeling like he was alone.

Burt had noticed the exchange between the two boys, he growled slightly at the hand holding; but didn't feel like he had the right to comment on it when it was obviously innocent and designed to help with Puckerman's plane phobia, so he just flipped over a page of his magazine and tried desperately to ignore the shy smiles on both boys faces ... all that  _and_ there was a small child wailing somewhere behind him.

_XXX_

The rest of the plane journey was uneventful, Noah grabbed Kurt's hand again during landing but otherwise that was it. It was another hour before they actually  _left_ the airport, what with Kurt's 5 suitcases to wait for and then they all piled into a cab that took them to the hotel. It was now 3 in the morning in New York time, and all three were exhausted. Kurt started nodding off in the cab, his head lolling onto Burt's shoulder. Burt tried not to feel  _too_ happy about that, or too disappointed when he shook Kurt gently awake when they arrived.

They checked in and got their keys. Burt had booked two adjoined rooms, a single and a double, and although he wasn't best pleased with it, it was assumed that the two boys would stay together. As soon as they got into the room, Kurt called out on the bed next to the window, before stumbling to the bathroom to do his teeth and his twenty minute long moisturiser routine (How had he managed to bring so many creams with him?) by which time Puck had become desperate for the bathroom. He was standing cross legged bouncing up and down when Kurt finally came out and burst out laughing at the sight as he rushed in. Kurt could hear his sigh of relief from his bed. Kurt chuckled, and moved the suitcases so they were out of the way, and then collapsed onto his bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

When Noah came out of the bathroom he noticed that Kurt hadn't closed the curtains, as he went over to do so, he saw Kurt snuffle a little in his sleep out of the corner of his eye, Noah smiled fondly, and turned to look at him properly to make sure he was ok; A small ray of moonlight pooled around Kurt's head, making his skin glow white and flawless, his brown hair was highlighted by the light, making it look soft and silky. As Kurt turned over to face him, Noah almost gasped at how … ethereal he looked. He looked pretty, and pale, and peaceful. Puck shook himself and drew the curtains, ruining the illusion. But as he passed by Kurt's bed to get to his own, he did pull the covers up over his shoulder where it had fallen down when he moved, and after debating, stroked a lock of his soft hair behind his ear. Then he smiled softly to himself, got into bed, and fell asleep.

How Kurt managed to wake up at 7a.m on the dot would always remain a mystery to Puck. He was rudely awakened by bight sunlight and a girlish squeal of

'Noah! Look at the view! We're in New York!'

Kurt's only answer was a grunt as Puck turned over and yanked up the covers over his head. But Kurt didn't give up, he was too excited so he bounced next door … Puck could hear a very similar groan coming from his father, and smirked. It was funny when it happened to someone else. Kurt spent the next ten minutes flitting between rooms, convincing both sleepy hibernators to get up just to stop the noise, even though both were happy to see Kurt so chirpy, neither were morning people. When Noah sat up, yawned and rubbed his Mohawk he smiled at Kurt's dashing about. His night clothes were blue silk which matched his shimmering eyes and his hair was slightly tousled which in of itself was unseen by anyone but Burt and strangely adorable. Puck just sat and watched the ball of energy zoom around for a while before he truly woke up and got out of bed, making his way to the bathroom. He caught Burt's eye through the open door and they shared an amused eye roll which made Kurt pout, and close the door between rooms.

By the time Puck had brushed his teeth, showered and dressed Kurt had just decided on his outfit for the day. Kurt had not been idle in the past three days. He had made them a checklist of activities that they could do and directed that they would vote on which they wanted to go to. It wasn't all plays and fashion shoots either, Kurt had researched well, and had found a number of sporting events and activities that would appeal to the other two. He had also sectioned time for 'recreational activities' or as Noah put it 'chillin' time'

Both Puck and Burt were happy with this. They knew that Kurt could go all day and were glad that he remembered that they couldn't. Also, he reasoned that sometimes, lazing around was fun too and shouldn't be underrated. He also used the excuse of Burt's heart condition to allow the group to split up on occasion and sometimes, sporting activities fell when Kurt had time to himself.

It was very well arranged and everyone was happy with the result.

The first couple of days though, had practically no chillin' time. Kurt and Burt outvoted Noah with a shopping spree instead of clay pigeon shooting, Burt willing to make sure that Kurt did whatever he wanted on the first day. Kurt seemed perfectly aware of this and once he got over the initial embarrassment, he decided to make the most of it

'Makeovers!' he sang as he led them into the spa. The two oldest turned to stare at the beaming countertenor

'That wasn't in the list!' Puck protested feebly, Burt just looked hopeless. A makeover was something best put up with, or Kurt would wreak his revenge by using his knowledge of products to concoct something awful and embarrassing. Last time he had put his foot down, he ended up getting a pedicure (both were well aware of the irony) Kurt just cocked his head a little and stared Noah down.

'A shopping spree isn't complete without at least a facial' he stated innocently. Burt caught Puck's smirk and mutter of 'I'll bet' but a glare silenced him. Noah eventually admitted defeat and trudged into the spa with a look akin to fear in his eyes.

Burt got off pretty lightly, having been forced into this before and having no hair to have styled he got a mud mask and a foot massage. Kurt did both with him and although Burt wasn't particularly interested in the different qualities of each herb and flower in each scented oil, he was glad that Kurt was opening up to him and talking freely without Burt initiating the conversation.

Puck just seemed dazed, he didn't move or speak when the mud mask was on and the massage just seemed to confuse him further. Then, when he saw Burt head towards the exit (more specifically a chair by the door) he let out a sigh of relief and made to follow but Kurt stepped in front of him arms crossed and shook his head, directing him instead to the hair salon section. Puck nearly made a run for it,  _no one_ touched his Mohawk, but Kurt took his arm and steered him, promising that the Mohawk would stay and would look more badass than ever. He gave a few instructions to one of the girls who motioned Noah over to the washing station. Taking one last look at Kurt who was giving detailed instructions about his own hair to another delighted stylist; Noah gulped and followed her, appeasing himself with the fact that the girl was hot and her ass was nice to watch too . . . not as nice as young Hummel's (so he thought Kurt had a nice ass, sue him … he was a sex shark, he could totally judge) but it would pass the time.

Puck made a decision not to look at what the woman was doing to him until he saw Kurt's reaction. He wasn't sure  _why_ Kurt's opinion suddenly seemed more important than his own but when he saw Kurt (with his newly styled hair slightly spiked with the slightest hint of natural highlights … yes it was hot) blush and stammer that he looked great he felt a warmth of something similar to pride course through him. He dared a glance in the mirror and was surprised with what he saw; his Mohawk had been trimmed and styled so that it spiked up, it was choppy, adding to the effect and there was also a shiny element to his hair that hadn't been there before, the fact that it was black also gave off a peacock blue tint if the light caught it a certain way. It suited him he thought, and he liked it. The way that he had noticed such a difference surprised him a lot less. His hair was the area of his face that he paid the most attention to when he looked in the mirror. He and Kurt joined Burt and received compliments from him and then Burt and Noah resigned themselves to at least three hours non stop in various clothes stores.

Kurt was having the most fun he had had in a long time. He  _loved_ shopping for other people but he never had anyone to shop for, so he tended to spend all of his money on himself. But now he had two desperately-in-need fashion priorities to buy for and he couldn't be happier as he ushered his two clients into changing rooms and proceeded to pick out things for them.

Surprisingly, thought Noah, Kurt was quite a considerate shopper. He was good in the way that he didn't try to completely alter a person's existing style; the number of flamboyant things in his trying on pile was considerably low and Noah appreciated it. He also appreciated the fact that most of the clothes were things he would wear on a day to day basis, skinny jeans and baggy jeans and t shirts and vest tops, some plain, others with designs on, some with glitter and embroidery but not excessive or girly. He was glad that instead of throwing sparkly, colorful clothes at him, Kurt carefully chose things that he genuinely thought Noah would like and that would suit him. There were a few shirts and formal items too, but no accessories save for a single scarf white silk with blue swirls which Puck smirked at.

Burt was in the same boat. He was bombarded with baseball caps and shirts and jeans and mostly casual things that had been hand picked by his son. He knew better than to say he loved and would buy them all to save time. Kurt was expecting a fashion show and he knew that at least half of the considerable pile would be discarded.

When Kurt had finished emptying the rails of things he deemed suitable (choosing only a new pair of skinny jeans and a couple of shirts he couldn't resist for himself) he joined them in the changing rooms and sorted through the separate piles of clothes to choose outfits for the other two to model. Then he passed them through and waited. Whilst he was waiting he sorted the next few outfits and then he gave feedback when the others emerged. Snorting in disgust at 'what had he been thinking when he chose that shade of yellow?' or beaming in delight at how much of a genius he was. They continued in this manner until noon when they left the mall loaded down with shopping bags, dropped them back at the hotel and then wandered around until Burt spotted a promising diner where they stopped for lunch.

Kurt worked his way through a delicious tomato and mozzarella salad while Puck devoured pizza and Burt stared longingly, eating instead a healthy chicken burger with extra lettuce and a side order of coleslaw at Kurt's insistence. After they had eaten they all voted to go and see a production of Les Miserables (which all three thoroughly enjoyed) and then they went back to the hotel. It was getting dark but it wasn't really late. They had decided on eating out tonight seeing as it was their first night here and so changed into formal wear. Kurt wore a pale mint green shirt which contrasted nicely with a new black waistcoat and tight black trousers; he tucked an emerald green napkin (stolen from the front desk) into his top pocket and threaded a green belt (also new) around his waist. The whole outfit made him look slender and tall, the black went well with his pale skin and the green added a splash of colour to make him unique. His newly spiked hair only added to the look; his eyes sparkled, flecked with green to match seeing as how they changed color, sometimes depending on his clothes, others his mood. He dabbed on some designer cologne and then knocked on the door, asking Noah if he could come out of the bathroom yet.

Burt picked out a dark blue shirt and a grey jacket and trousers, forgoing the usual baseball cap and then sat down on the bed, waiting for the two boys.

Noah waited until the bathroom door had clicked shut behind Kurt before rummaging through his new selection of clothes. He wanted to please Kurt, to prove that he had been listening to his feedback and therefore valued his opinion. He came up with a blood red shirt; he undid the top two buttons as usual and then sighed, tying the black tie around his neck. He  _hated_ ties; but knew that it would look good with the shirt and black dinner jacket. His black trousers fell loose around his legs, giving him plenty of room to move, the fabric swished slightly as he walked, but no so much as could be mistaken for flares (Kurt had shuddered at the very thought). As Noah looked down at himself, a ruby napkin for him (also stolen from the front desk) he was perfectly aware that he looked good … Very good.

A tapping on the bathroom door jerked Puck out of his preening; he called for Kurt to come back in and was taken aback when he saw him. Kurt looked hot. Not the usual adorable-very-pretty-and-could-be-mistaken-for-a-g irl-with-that-ass-and-those-legs-hot, but-very-male-and-how-often-did-he-work-out-'cause -the-kid-has-abs-hot. And Puck was very surprised that even though Kurt looked (and smelled he noticed) 100% male, he wasn't even slightly put off. Nor did he feel ashamed of his ogling.

Kurt seemed to be having the same problem. Red and black were brilliant contrasting colours anyway and worked well on almost anyone, but with that tanned skin, black hair, and those dark eyes Noah looked  _gorgeous_. They were brought back to Earth with a thump and a deliberate cough from the doorway. Burt stood there, glaring disapprovingly at Puck. Kurt flushed beet red and scampered to the door, purposefully not looking at either of them. Puck gave a guilty smile to Burt and shrugged slightly as if he didn't know. No more was said on the matter but the walk to the restaurant was a quiet one.

When they got there however, the conversation picked up again. Noah began cracking jokes, making the other two laugh and Kurt debated the pros and cons of the menu with Burt. When they eventually decided on their food and ordered they continued chatting amicably about the day, complimenting Kurt's brilliance for the outfits and laughing as he blushed. They voted on tomorrow's activities and then talked and joked until the food came.

Burt was not an idiot. He had seen the look between the two boys back in the hotel room. And as much as he wanted to slam the Mohawked teen against the wall, he was also quite smug. There was definitely  _something_ there. It seemed that Noah Puckerman was not as straight and badass as he pretended to be.

Despite Burt's outward disparagement, he actually liked the guy. And he was also painfully aware that his son had been alone for too long and did reluctantly admit that the two looked good together. Kurt brought out Noah's softer side and Puck would be able to protect Kurt when Finn couldn't, also, he seemed to know exactly what his son needed, whether it was space or someone to talk to. And Kurt needed that. So despite his jealousy that Puck seemed to be able to read his son better than he could, he grudgingly approved of the no doubt inevitable … Provided that Puck could accept his feelings of course. He vowed to take him aside at some point and threaten him with death and a shaved head (the kid seemed to care about his hair as much as Kurt did) if he made his son cry.

After dinner they walked back to the hotel. This time the silence was comfortable. Kurt linked arms with both Burt and Noah, a huge smile on his face. Coming to New York was a great idea. Noah looked up at the sky, disappointed at the lack of stars. He liked the stars at night, but was comforted by the feel of Kurt's arm in his. It was warm and surprisingly strong. And when they got back to the hotel he was sad when Kurt slipped away to change. His head was a mess. He walked out onto the balcony and stared at the moon, trying to sort out his feelings about Kurt. He had always been sure that he was straight. He had never dared to be anything else; but there was something about  _Kurt._ It was just Kurt. He was so … special, unique, strong, optimistic, generous, kind, frail and just …  _nice_. He took a deep breath of the cool night air and loosened his tie. He leaned out over the balcony and watched the city bustle beneath him. He wouldn't be judged here he knew. The streets were teaming with labels and stereotypes. But Noah wasn't a label. He preferred to just go wherever he felt like. And he felt like Kurt. But he didn't know what to do. Kurt wasn't the type to have a holiday fling with before they went back to Lima where the judgement would be. It wouldn't be right to use Kurt as some kind of experiment to sort out his sexuality. Maybe if he ignored it for long enough then things would go back to normal. But then he thought of first seeing Kurt in those clothes and dismissed that idea, if he did that then it wouldn't be long before things got strained between them, and Kurt needed consistency right now. But he had to do  _something_.

'Noah?' Puck jumped and turned to smile at Kurt who had just stepped out behind him 'Are you ok?' the concern in Kurt's voice decided things. He could tell that Kurt was thinking about before too.

'Yeah' he answered. 'Just … look could you do me a favour?' Kurt nodded, eyes wide, the moonlight reflecting in them. 'Just stay there ok? And don't freak out. Please.' Kurt just blinked at him, confused and a little scared. Damn it, well it was either this or ruining everything. Then again this might ruin everything anyway but what the hell.

Puck reached up both hands to cup Kurts face and dipped his head to capture his lips in a soft kiss.

He drew back just as the firework display began behind his eyelids.

'I'm sorry' was all he said, before backing away to lock himself in the bathroom. When he came back out, changed into his night clothes, he chanced a look at Kurt. He was still on the balcony, his fingers brought up to touch his lips, eyes wide. Guilt overwhelmed Puck so he slid into bed and drew the covers over his head, facing away from the balcony.

When Kurt finally remembered to breathe he made his own way to bed. But he didn't sleep. That kiss had been everything he'd want a first kiss to be, spontaneous, full of feeling and gentle. But it was from  _Puck_  the straightest guy in school.  _But they weren't in school_ he thought  _Noah was different when he wasn't around the jocks_. He was bubbling with confusion. A song came to his head, and he began to softly sing the words, imagining Noah singing the others, he must have a good imagination because he thought that he could hear Noah's husky voice coming from the other bed (which it actually was)

' _Lying here with you so close to me_

_It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe_

**I'm caught up in this moment, caught up in your smile** _'_

Noah imagined Kurt's smile, his musical laugh. And hoped that he had not ruined everything

' ** _I've never opened up to anyone_**

**_So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms_ **

_We don't need to rush this, let's just take it slow'_

He hoped that Kurt meant those words; maybe their friendship wasn't over after all

' ** _Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_**

**_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_ **

**_And I don't want to mess this thing up_ **

**_No, I don't want to push it too far'_ **

He really hadn't wanted to push Kurt. He had been too rash, what if Kurt hadn't  _wanted_ Noah to kiss him? What if he had reminded him of Karofsky? Noah's fists clenched at that thought. He may have just made Kurt regress, he had been selfish. He didn't want that for Kurt

' _Just a shot in the dark that you just might_

_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_

_So baby, I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight'_

Noah smiled at that. Maybe Kurt was telling him that it was ok to be confused.

' _I know that if we give this a little time_

**_It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find_ **

**_It's never felt so real, no, it's never felt so right'_ **

Whatever that kiss was, and whatever it had done, Noah couldn't fully regret it. He cared about Kurt, and he hoped that he had shown it

' ** _Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_**

**_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_ **

**_And I don't want to mess this thing up_ **

**_No, I don't want to push it too far_ **

_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_

_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_

_So baby, I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight'_

Kurt realised that he wasn't singing the song alone. He smiled but didn't turn over to face him. He hoped that Noah would work out what he wanted soon; and was thankful that they weren't in Lima, away from judging eyes.

_No I don't want to say goodnight_

_I know it's time to leave_

_But you'll be in my dreams_

_Tonight, tonight, tonight_

He probably  _would_  dream about Noah as well, he thought, he wondered what Noah would think about that

' ** _Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_**

**_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_ **

**_And I don't want to mess this thing up_ **

**_No, I don't want to push it too far_ **

_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_

_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_

_So baby, I'm alright'_

Noah smiled as he thought of the kiss, maybe he'd be able to try it again one of these days; with Kurt's (and possibly Burt's) permission of course.

' ** _Oh, let's do this right_ **

**with just a kiss goodnight**

_Kiss goodnight, **Kiss goodnight'**_

Their voices faded into the stillness of the room, both boys appeased that there would at least be no awkwardness tomorrow.

Next door, Burt smiled smugly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?   
> The song for this one is Just a Kiss - Lady Antebellum (very good band)  
> Please give me your opinions! I EAT OPINIONS MUAHAHAHAHAHA!


	11. Jump then Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurts mask is slipping; something brings his whole world crashing down, sending him spiralling out of control. What does Burt have to do with it? And Finn? What will drive him over the edge? Puck/Kurt. Occasional swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are. The end of a fic :(  
> I hope you enjoyed the ride ^.^  
> This one is dedicated to everyone reading this because you're all awesome :D  
> Enjoy ^.^

The next few days passed in a flurry of activities and fun. Even chillin' time was far from boring; they either wandered around doing whatever caught their eye or went back to the hotel and pigged out on room service.

On the Thursday, Puck and Burt went to a baseball game between two of their favourite teams. Kurt on the other hand opted to stay at the hotel. The other two understood, knowing that major sporting events made him uncomfortable and fully aware of the fact that he had barely been alone since they arrived. The other two had had time to themselves while Kurt went and did more activities. He was the perfect host, but it was exhausting him. When the two sports fanatics left, Kurt ordered popcorn and slipped a movie into the DVD player. Then he waited for the popcorn to arrive before pressing play

It was a good movie, although later he couldn't remember the plot at all because he spent most of it lost in his own thoughts.

Puck hadn't spoken to him about the kiss yet, they still laughed and joked together as if nothing was wrong but there was something in the air between them now and it was beginning to get awkward. Sometimes Kurt caught a look; a raised eyebrow or a flash of something undetermined in his eyes and Noah would turn away, refuse to meet his gaze. He wanted to know what it  _was_ , whether it meant anything or if he was just over thinking or even imagining it. He just didn't know what to  _do_. Kurt sighed and switched off the TV, he just couldn't concentrate. But he knew with an iron clad certainty that this decision rested on Noah. Kurt was already out, and Puck saw (and used to participate) in the treatment that he got and it wouldn't be fair of Kurt to ask Noah to submit himself to that. It was a decision that Noah had to make alone. No matter what Kurt wanted. He liked Noah, he was pretty sure of that. He had felt the warning signs when Noah began to look after him, in the hospital and afterwards, butterflies in his stomach and a blush on his cheeks when he thought about him. But there was no point in acting on it; Puck was straighter than Finn, just less homophobic. So he assumed that the feelings would fade like they had for Finn, and in the meantime enjoy his friendship; but Noah never did anything  _wrong_. He didn't lose his temper at him, or avoid touching him and he was always  _there_  when he needed him (so in that way he was unlike Finn), he was also smarter, although that wasn't a very difficult task in of itself. He was kinder and funnier and less sure than he would ever let on in school.

And then there was that kiss. It had been a huge surprise that Noah was even  _considering_ that he may be anything other than straight. But the kiss had been wonderful, it had been a question, shy and pleading, so unlike Puck who demanded for things. Unfortunately, Kurt had been too shocked to answer. All he could do now was wait and hope that Noah had gotten the message.

Kurt sighed and got up, only to flop back down again, not knowing what else to do. At least he and his dad were getting along great. It was almost like the old days, they were gaining closeness again and Kurt was happy. The fear had almost completely gone now, and even if it was still there it was easy enough to ignore. Kurt was so glad he had suggested this holiday; it was just what they all needed to sort themselves out. Kurt rubbed at his temple where he could feel a headache coming on; maybe he shouldn't have stared at the T.V for so long.

He wondered about the game, and how Noah and his father were getting along, he had seen them exchange glances and had wondered what that meant. He assumed that Burt had figured out he liked Noah and was giving him the famous 'I own a shotgun' talk. Kurt grinned to himself, almost wishing he could see Noah's face. Then he shook himself  _I can't be sure that he will choose me_  he sighed and rubbed his hand over his hair  _I don't see why he_ would  _choose me_  he thought sadly, he picked out some more popcorn only to drop it back into the bowl. He wasn't very hungry any more. He decided to go and take a shower. Maybe have a nap to pass the time and cure the irritating headache; or perhaps a walk. Hopefully one of those things would distract him from Noah.

Noah cheered as his team scored a touchdown, just as Burt booed next to him; he laughed at the older man and teased his poor judgement in teams. Burt just glowered at him playfully and turned back to the game. Noah's thoughts drifted back to Kurt, who was back in their hotel room. Noah hadn't completely figured things out yet, and he could tell that it was making Kurt uncomfortable. He knew that the countertenor caught some of his looks, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. That was the problem. Noah Puckerman had NEVER doubted the possibility of someone liking him before. After all, he did own a mirror, and damn he looked  _good_. So every girl within a five mile radius was attracted to him. But Kurt wasn't a girl, and Noah had no idea of his 'type' except  _Finn_. Well, at least it  _used_ to be Finn. Puck was kinda similar, only less of a goofy douche bag ... Sometimes.

_XXX_

After the game Burt bought hot dogs from a stand outside and they sat down on a bench to eat them. Burt was grumbling at his team losing the match but he couldn't be too mad because Noah wasn't gloating much. They munched companionably, Burt felt guilty as he did so, knowing that if Kurt ever found out about the hot dog, he would become one. Noah too was thinking about Kurt, but instead he was thinking about the kiss and what it meant.

After the hot dogs, they got a cab back to the hotel only to find a note from Kurt saying that he had gone for a walk, so they sat down on the sofa and polished off the popcorn in silence. The silence wasn't entirely comfortable. Burt and Noah had both figured out that they muddled along well enough together, but they only properly mixed when Kurt was in the middle, draining away any tension that otherwise would have occurred. Burt wondered how he ever could have wished for a son like Puck or Finn, as fun as it was on occasion to be able to go to a sports event without comments about the 'hideous uniforms', the contrasts between father and son made both of them more well rounded people, more appreciative and attentive to others. Kurt had done his father the world of good in that respect. He was far more tolerant now than he had been before Kurt was born, and he was much happier for it. So they sat in silence for a while until Burt switched the TV off with a sigh

'Look' he said, shifting in his seat to face Noah 'I want to know what's going on between you and my son' he noted with some satisfaction that a hint of a blush flared in the tanned boys cheeks.

'What do you mean?' he mumbled averting his gaze to stare at the carpet, Burt chuckled

'I'm not blind' he said gently 'you helped Kurt out when he was in a dark place, that's bound to have repercussions. Kurt is closer to you than he's ever been to anyone … except me' he added loyally to himself. Noah was still examining the periwinkle blue fibres of the floor but Burt knew he was listening, so he continued 'I also overheard your song to each other a few days ago and knew something had happened, but all that seems to have happened is you pushing each other away. So explain' Noah sighed and lifted his head, still not looking at Burt he stared at the blank TV screen instead.

'I kissed him' he confessed, feeling his face heat up. Ignoring Burt's splutter of indignation he turned to look at the older man pleadingly 'and I don't know what to do'

'What do you mean?' Burt asked gruffly, sure that if he was at home he would have already been loading the shotgun, but he hadn't been able to bring it on the plane. Instead of answering, Noah began singing, at exactly the same time Kurt silently slipped in the room; Noah jumped but didn't falter, instead directing the lyrics at Kurt. Burt backed into his own room and shut the door. He wasn't completely naïve; he  _knew_ that his son would find someone eventually. He had read the pamphlets after all, but it didn't make letting his little boy go any easier. But Puck was a good kid, and he wouldn't let Kurt down. That was what mattered.

**_'I like the way you sound in the morning_ **

**_We're on the phone and without a warning_ **

**_I realize your laugh is the best sound_ **

**_I have ever heard'_ **

Noah watched as a pink tinge crept into the countertenor's cheeks, a faint smile turning his lips up and Noah thinks back to how peppy Kurt is in the mornings. Always chirping like a bird, floating around gracefully while the other two men can manage only grunts. He had always despised morning people, but Kurt's happiness in the early hours is infectious and all Puck wants to do is jump out of bed so he can spend as much time as possible with the smaller boy. He opened his mouth to continue the song but Kurt beat him to it

' _I like the way I can't keep my focus_

_I watch you talk, you didn't notice_

_I hear the words but all I can think is_

_We should be together'_

_So much for not pressuring him_  Kurt thought angrily at himself. But he couldn't bring himself to regret it when he saw Noah's face light up. Noah could feel his heart filling with …  _feeling_ for the boy standing in front of him, he had been through so much and always came back stronger, and now, Kurt had made the decision for him, not that there was much of a decision to make in the first place

_'_ **Every time you smile, I smile**

**And every time you shine, I'll shine for you'**

It was true, they realised. Neither could be happy unless the other was. Noah had never felt this attuned to anyone before and Kurt had always shied away from connection.

**_'Whoa, I'm feeling you baby_ **

**_Don't be afraid to jump then fall_ **

**_Jump then fall into me_ **

_Baby I'm never gonna leave you_

_Say that you wanna be with me too_

**_'Cause I'm gonna stay through it all_ **

**So jump then fall'**

Kurt already knew that Noah would be there for him no matter what, he had been already, even though they had barely been friends then. Kurt loved that about Noah, his loyalty. Even though Kurt was merely in the same club as him he didn't walk away. Kurt also knew that he owed Noah big time, the jock had saved his life after all, and Kurt would do his best to repay that debt. He could never be grateful enough.

_' **Well I like the way your hair falls in your face**_

_You got the keys to me, I love each freckle on your face_

**_Oh, I've never been so wrapped up, honey_ **

_I like the way you're everything I ever wanted'_

Puck had to laugh at that one, he knew perfectly well that Kurt's hair was his pride and joy, Kurt shared the grin, Noah didn't have many freckles at all, and none on his face.

**_'I've had time to think it over_ **

**_And all I can say is come closer_ **

_Take a deep breath and jump_

_Then fall into me'_

Kurt's face split into a wide smile at that, he stepped forward as Noah did, putting his hands up to the tanned boy's chest. He knew it was hard for Noah, it was a big step away from where he thought his life was headed, to admit that he liked another boy was a big lifestyle change, but it wouldn't change who Noah was, it was just him revealing a hidden depth to himself. Kurt would help him through all the awkward conversations with people, he owed him.

**'Every time you smile, I smile**

**And every time you shine, I'll shine for you**

_Whoa, I'm feeling you baby_

_Don't be afraid to jump then fall_

_Jump then fall into me_

**_Baby I'm never gonna leave you_ **

**_Say that you wanna be with me too_ **

_'Cause I'm gonna stay through it all_

**So jump then fall _'_**

Kurt couldn't think of a time before Noah now, well . . . he could, but he didn't like to. All of their years together in Glee and they had barely spoken, this connection could have happened so much sooner.  _Or not at all_  Kurt thought  _After all, it only happened because some Neanderthals decided to beat me up … and that only happened because my dad yelled at me, and that only happened because of the phone call. I have to thank whoever made that call_

_'The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet_

_I'll catch you, I'll catch you_

_When people say things that bring you to your knees_

_I'll catch you_

_The time is gonna come when you're so mad that you could cry_

_But I'll hold you through the night until you smile'_

It was a warning, from Kurt to Noah that it was a tough time ahead for him, not many people outside of Glee would accept him now, and he would forever be lumped with the school queer. Noah's arms tightened around Kurt's waist, reassuring the smaller boy that he didn't care about those things. That he would fight his way through every day, as long as Kurt was there at the end of it.

**' _Whoa, I need you baby_**

**_Don't be afraid please_ **

**_Jump then fall_ **

**_Jump then fall into me_ **

_Baby I'm never gonna leave you_

_Say that you wanna be with me too_

_'Cause I'm gonna stay through it all_

**So jump then fall'**

As their voices faded into the air, their lips met, sealing a promise in both boys'hearts that they would always support each other. And they would never let the other fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think as an ending?  
> Let me know ^.^ all comments welcome and appreciated  
> 'Till next time  
> Love Tibbins xx

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think? It may take me a while to update all of these chapters. I figured out how to use italics xD  
> All opinions are welcome :D any feedback will be appreciated   
> And yes, I did edit the song slightly  
> Homeless - Leona Lewis :)  
> Love Tibbins xx


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